Self Pity
by Glamagirl
Summary: Jericho/Christian slash. Christian is going through a hard time and finds himself in an awkward situation with one of his best friend.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anyone in this story. Any characters you recognize here belong just to themselves.

**Warning**! This story has contents that might offend you. It's slash, M/M so if it's not your thing you shouldn't read it.

**A/N** I'm straying off my path here! I've never written slash before and I just hope it turns out nicely. I blame it all on DarkZoul and a pic I found the other day(.com/albums/uu208/glamagirl84/?action=view¤t=)

This really comes as an early b-day present for DZ. She wanted a nice, steamy story that mingled Christian, some friend, alcohol and the rumors of his divorce, so here it is, hope you like it girl (I made you two lol)

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**Self Pity**

I don't know why I listen to Adam anymore. He might be my best friend and all but let's be honest; he has the stupidest ideas in the whole wide world. Ever since we were kids he had always managed to convince me to do about anything, so it's really no surprise that I'm here. That he managed to trick Chris into coming as well does surprise me.

What idea is that, you might be thinking? Well, since both Chris and I are getting divorced from our respective wives, Adam decided to throw us a divorce party at his place… I know, pretty juvenile.

For some reason he thinks that playing in his stupid PS3 and drinking until passing out is going to take my mind off the fact that I found my wife, my soon to be ex-wife having sex with her tennis instructor in _our_ bed.

Fucking bitch!

"You cheated!" Adam yells a little too dramatically as his hands, still holding the control go up to his head.

"Yes!" Chris stands up from the sofa and raises his arms up in the air as he makes a little victory dance "I'm the champion and you my friend a L-O-S-E-R"

"That was not winning, it was cheating!" Adam whines as he throws the control to the sofa I'm sitting in, almost hitting me. "I told you before, you can't play as yourself!"

"Shut up jerky" He says with a motion of his hand as he turns to me. "Come on Reso, your ass is mine"

I wave him off, I don't want to play their stupid game. I'm not in the mood for it and I think I'm too drunk to accomplish anything anyways. SO instead of playing with them I reach for my beer and bring it to my lips, only to find out its empty.

I stare stupidly at it for a while; in my drunken stupor I don't remember draining all of it and I look up to Chris questioningly. "Dude, you beer my drank?"

My supposedly two best friends look at each other and then start to laugh at my expense… this is it; I can feel my eyes pricking with menacing tears. "You know what, fuck you!" I slur as I attempt to stand up, much to my shame I fail to do so and fall back on the sofa.

"Hey, calm down Jay, I'll just get you another one" Adam says as he fishes into the cooler he so intelligently placed besides his reclining chair. Apparently the journey from the living room to his kitchen was too much for him to handle. "Uh oh…" he exclaims and his eyes grow like huge plates as he looks from Chris to me. "They are gone"

"Big fucking deal, I'll look for more in the kitchen" Chris says as he puts the control down beside me.

"No, they are _all_ gone" Adam says and an eerie silence fills the room, it is almost as if the Apocalypse has finally come and we are too shocked to react. "Shit!" He mumbles while standing up from his chair for the first time in hours. "Don't panic guys, I'll go buy more… But Chris, I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next one, so be ready for an ass kicking when I come back"

Chris waves him off without taking his eyes away from the TV, after that Adam leaves. Somewhere along the way, Chris turned the PS3 off and he is now surfing aimlessly through the channels.

"So what do you want to see?" He asks sitting back at my side, I just throw my head back against the back of the sofa.

I don't want to see anything; I just want to go home. I don't know why I came here in the first place… I mean, I was doing just fine at home, letting self pity swallow me whole.

Either Chris couldn't find anything interesting or my rotten mood spoiled his, but I hear him turning the TV off as he turns to me. Whatever it was, I'm too drunk to care.

"You want me to give you a good advice?" He asks, playing the role of a worried friend as I shake my head no. I'll cope with my sorrow however I please.

"If she was stupid enough to walk away, then be smart enough to let her go"

I snort. "What the fuck is that?" I snap at him. "She didn't walk away, she just fucked her way around with her instructor until I caught her, get it?" after yelling at him I mumble under my breath some nonsense and watch out of the corner of my eye as he actually draws away from me.

"Jesus, Jay! Just chill out, I'm just trying to help" He hisses with a roll of his eyes.

"It's easier for you because yours wasn't cheating" I mumble and he looks up to me.

"Are we going to argue now who got it worse? A divorce is a divorce and it sucks whether it was caused by cheating or not… at least you don't have kids"

I take a deep breath, knowing that he's right, he's always right. I run my fingers through my short hair and look back to him. "Look, I'm sorry for snapping at you, I'm just stressed out"

"I know" He says with a sigh and his hand goes up to my shoulder for a light pat, only that it dwells longer than necessary and then it just lingers there.

"It sucks, doesn't it?" I ask and all of a sudden he's just too fucking close to me, nodding as his warm hand remains on me and his eyes scan my face.

I'm feeling way too drunk and I shake my head and close my eyes to clear my mind. It doesn't work, and still his hand is there.

"I'm fucked up" I say and he gives me another pat, only that this time he gives me a little squeeze as well. Yeah, I'm fucked up and it has nothing to do with my wife.

It has to be the alcohol, there's no other way my mind can grasp it. Because if I were sober and in control of all my senses I wouldn't even consider what I'm about to do.

But I'm not sober, I'm drunk and right now it's just tempting, so I open my eyes and find that he's still watching me while his fingers squeezes my shoulder… and here comes my moment, I lean forward and press my lips to his.

It's just a probing kiss, me pressing my lips to his as he remains immobile. Now, I've never kissed a guy before and it's really not that different from kissing a woman… and as that stupid comparison comes to my mind he suddenly pushes me away and punches me right on the jaw, a solid punch that sends me sprawling to the floor.

Down there I groan and rub at my chin, trying to ease the pain before I have to deal with my wounded pride. "I'm sorry… I…" I what?

"What the fuck were you thinking?" He yells as he picks me up by my shirt and puts me back to me feet. I can tell he's angry, no… that would be an understatement, he's fuming and I cringe, waiting for another blow.

But he just pushes me hard down into the sofa and starts pacing around Adam's living room. "Just what the fuck were you thinking?" he yells again and I don't know what to say.

I just tell him that I'm sorry over and over again until I say it a hundred times; I don't think he's listening though…

God I'm such a fucking loser, I knew I shouldn't have listened to Adam; none of this would have happened if it weren't for him.

The tears I felt earlier… well, they are now sliding down my cheeks and I wipe at them in shame before he sees them. I'm pathetic and I make a vow right now that I'll never drink again.

"I'm sorry… I… I don't know what got into me…" I say and he stops his pacing to look at me with his cold blue eyes.

I should have stayed in TNA.

He walks to me and lowers himself so that he's almost resting on top of me. I remain still, feeling apprehensive until he grabs my shirt and pulls me to him. "You know that I'm not into guys" He hisses and I nod my head frantically. In fact neither am I. What happened here was just a lapse of judgment, a drunken mistake.

"Damn it, Jay…" he growls angrily and before I can apologize again he surprises me with a kiss of his own.

So… I don't know what to do, should I push him away? He's taking it farther than I did as he forces my lips open to slide his tongue into my mouth. I gasp in surprise and bewilderment, what's going on here?

I'm too fucked up to think straight.

Chris tastes like beer and chips… and before I know it I'm kissing him back, sliding my tongue along his as my hands go to lock at the back of his head, pulling him nearer, deeper.

The whole thing is just insane and I can feel my cock stirring into life as his body comes to rest completely against mine.

I know this is not going to end well but I can't do a damn thing to stop it.

I slide my hands down his back and they find their way underneath his shirt, feeling his warm skin as I've never feel him before… yeah I've touched him countless times… I mean we have wrestled against each other and not only have I touched him, I have groped him, grabbed him and probably brushed inadvertently his package, the same one that is now pocking insistently against my tight.

But all those touches had been chaste, they were nothing like this.

He pulls away from the kiss and I feel my swollen lips already missing the sensation of him. This is when I know I'm drunk and out of my mind because for a moment I'm afraid that he is going to leave…

But he doesn't, he just takes off his shirt and goes to take mine off as well. Then he claims my lips once again and I moan at the way his naked chest feels against mine.

This is surreal. This is Chris, my best friend! What the fuck are we doing? Neither of us is gay, in fact we are mourning our divorces away, especially me… and he has kids, kids that called me Uncle Jay for the love of God.

But as I said before, I'm too drunk to care. Before my mind can finally grasp it we are fumbling with our belts, eager to take them off. Once I manage to take his off, I unzip him and slide my hand right in, grabbing his cock and taking it out. Another first for me, I've never touched another dick that wasn't my own and I find it surprisingly pleasant.

He's hard as he will get and the knowledge that I'm the one that provoked that sends a shiver down my spine; I enjoy the moment, feeling him burning… I like it.

As I stroke his already full dick he moans into my mouth and I take the opportunity to pull at his lower lip with me teeth, breaking the hungry kiss for a moment.

I search his eyes with mine and find his clouded blue eyes looking down between our bodies to where my hand is touching him so intimately.

"You like what you see?" I breathe out and his eyes lock with mine for a moment. He doesn't respond and only reaches to my own hardened dick to free it from the restrain of my boxers.

I gasp because fuck this feels fucking amazing, whether it's the alcohol or the fact that another dude is doing it increases the sensation to its maximums. And I know this is wrong… forbidden, but damn it feels good.

I push my hips into his hand and my gasps turn into moans when he grabs both our dicks in his hand, rubbing them together.

"Chris!" I say trashing underneath him, I'm far gone and by now I'll let him do anything at all, the thought doesn't unnerve me. He wants me to suck him, I'll do it, he wants to fuck me, God, I'll let him do that too. I'm just not in control anymore.

Fuck Denise and her instructor! Fuck it all.

This feels too damn good to waste my thoughts in anything but pure sensation. Chris' eyes are fixed on what he's doing, a slight smirk on his face as he keeps rubbing us together.

If he keeps it up I'm going to cum…

I push him away and force him down on his back, this time the smirk is on my face. I assume the position he was just in and lay against him. But not for long, I kiss him quickly before going down to the floor, on my knees and between his legs.

He's looking down at me uncertainly and I wonder if he has done this before, by the look on his face I assume he hasn't, doesn't matter, neither have I.

I take him in my hand, studying him, my eyes taking all the little details. This shouldn't be difficult, I know what I like and I just have to do it to him.

So here I go, I run my tongue up his length and then down again, oddly enjoying the way he moans my name in that raspy voice of his. I go up again and this time I take into my mouth the head of his cock. He's salty and musky, not bad at all and as I start to suck on him he lets out a little yelp that makes my dick twitch in need.

I reach down to it and start to jerk myself as I suck him. Does this mean I'm gay? Who cares! All I care is the way his flushed face stares back at me and the way he feels in my mouth…

But then it all ends.

I hear the sound of the entrance door opening and Adam yelling some stupid quote from one of those stupid cartoons he likes so much.

Chris hurried to his feet when realization hit him, he is now cursing and pulling his pants back up. It takes me longer to react but when I do, I stand up, zip my pants and put on my shirt as well.

Talk about being in an awkward situation.

I don't say anything and just stand there while Chris keeps cursing under his breath as he looks around for his keys.

When Adam finally makes his appearance with a huge grin on his face he is greeted by Chris walking past him in a rush, saying that he has to go. He didn't even look back and was out the door before either of us could react. Adam looks at me and I just stay here, my feet glued to the floor and my eyes to the door.

"What the hell happened?" He asks and I don't say anything. "Did you guys have a fight?" He asks again and I respond him as before, with nothing.

He looks at me with half closed eyes. "Dude, I must be drunk as hell because I could almost swear that was the shirt Chris was wearing" He points at my shirt and I feel the obligation to look down on it.

I chuckle bitterly as I look down at _my_ shirt. "Yeah… you must be drunk, this is mine" He shrugs and then goes to open the cooler to put in the beer, he hands me one and I take it, I know I need it.

"Well, do you want to play now?" He asks and I look at him, a blank expression on my face. "The only rule is that you can't play as yourself"

"Dude, I'm not even in the game" He just stares at me for a moment and then shrugs again. "Well… are you going to play or not?" He hands me the control.

I sigh, weighing my options. I can crawl back to my place and submerge my soul into more self pity or I can stay here and drink myself unconscious. "All right, I pick to be… Y2J"

Cont…


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks so much for the reviews, I really appreciate them!

I had doubts about writing this chapter, but I got inspired while listening to a line in Katy Perry's song Ur so gay. It's the one about Mozart and I stole it for this fic, please don't sue.

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I'm not a coward… at least I've never considered myself to be one. But as I stand in front of the men's locker room closed door I can't help but to feel a sense of dread wash over me. I know that Chris is in there, and even though I still consider the man to be one of my best friends, a nagging voice in my head tells me that said friendship might be hanging on a thin string that is about to break.

I totally screwed up.

But it is what it is, there's nothing else to do other than man up and face whatever there's to face. I mean, I can't hide forever, can I? So I open the door and into the room I go.

And he's here all right, sitting next to Adam as they go over a program they're schedule to work tonight. I walk in and whether he takes a look at me or not is beyond me, all I know is that I'm not looking. I just go there, put my duffel bag down on the floor and sit on the farthest bench… which to my distaste is not that far enough.

Man up my ass! I'm such a coward… Maybe if we never mention the _incident_ we'll eventually forget it ever happened and things could go back to normal… right. There are things in life that have no turning back once you go over them, and sucking off your best friend's dick is just one of them. Kissing… maybe, sucking, no fucking way.

"Hey Jay, now that Chris is on Smackdown! we can hit the road together, just like in the old times" Adam says all exited as he gives me that patented grin of his, the one where he shows all those huge teeth. "Isn't it great?"

Yeah… fucking marvelous. "Uh hmmm" I'd rather travel with Swagger… in fact I'm seriously considering it. ECW tapes first, so chances are I'll be gone before they know it.

Of course I don't tell Adam that, I don't want to hear him bitch about it. He's already planning excitedly and even though I like to blame him for everything that went wrong that night, I don't want to see him upset… I'll let Chris deal with that.

So as Adam talks his monologue and as Chris became unusually quiet, I start to fumble into my bag to get my ring attire out. ECW tapings are almost an hour away and I'm not up until the end, but I want to get ready, do my thing and get the hell out of here. Why is time passing by so slowly?

Maybe I should really try and talk to him, clear the air between us; you know, just try to be the better man. But what would I say, 'Hey man, remember that crazy shit that happened at Adam's…'

I don't think that's going to work.

As I sit here staring into my bag I try to come up with something, anything, but my mind is blank. This is really fucked up. Then Adam stands up and says something about meeting someone… somewhere… I don't know and I don't care, I just try to take the opportunity and fix this shit up with Chris.

So I look around and see that although we are not alone in the room, we are pretty much apart from everyone else. This is my chance. "Can you hand me a bottle of water?" Wow… If I could kick my own ass I'll do it right now. I mean, what the fuck was that?

Chris reaches for one of the bottles that are behind him and without looking up to where I am he throws it at me… Or at my chest to be more specific, the son of a bitch hit me hard with the fucking thing.

"Dude, are you trying to fucking kill me?" I say as I rub at my chest, the bottle forgotten somewhere in the floor where it came to rest.

That's when he decides to look up to me, and with those blues of his he tells me everything I need to know. If he would have been looking when he threw the bottle at me he would have aimed for my head.

Fucking asshole! It's not as if everything was my fault. Sure I kissed him first, but I was drunk! He was the one who got all hot and heavy with me!

"What the fuck is your problem?" As if I don't know. He just blinks and continues his glare on me, his face all stern. I try to calm and be reasonable, we are both grown men, we can handle this. "I think we should talk about this" Good, that's much better than my earlier failed attempt.

But he lowers his gaze and goes on to look into his own bag. "There's nothing to talk about, Jason"

"Nothing to talk…" I repeat like a moron running my fingers along my chin. This is it, he doesn't want to be my friend anymore… all this years and then nothing. Somehow the thought angers me more than it upsets me. I chuckle.

"You know what…" I say as my fingers slide to the back of my neck. "I just wanted to clear the air between us because I was stupid enough to still consider you my friend… it's not like I was going to _rape_ you" I stand up to leave; I don't want to be here anymore. But before I walk past him I turn to face him. "Besides, if I decided to be gay I would definitely get someone who wasn't as ugly as you"

He snorted and when I was about to walk out he replied to me. "You didn't think I was ugly when you were down on your knees blowing me"

I freeze on my tracks, not able to breath for a minute. I look around; everyone is still minding their own business so even when my ex-best friend turned out to be an asshole, I still can take solace in the fact that at least nobody heard what he just said. "Fuck you" I hiss.

"You wish" He says with a shrug. God I hate when he shrugs, it's his way of saying, '_shut up jerky, you know I'm better than you_'

As I look down at him I manage a smile that I'm sure turned out as a grimace. He will not put me down, no fucking way! Chris Irvine, with all his mannerisms is not going to put me down for a drunken mistake.

"Well, now that we are into it, you didn't seem to mind me blowing you off. In fact, I can guarantee you liked it"

"I was drunk!" He says looking up to me, anger flashing in his eyes.

"Well, so was I" I reply back and he mumbles something under his breath, I only got something about me being gay. "What was that?"

He closes his eyes and sighs. "Nothing… look, let's just leave it here, ok?"

Oh no, I'm not leaving it there. "You think I'm gay" I ask in stupefaction. "You are the one who's gay… in fact you are so gay it's not even funny"

"Yeah… well you are so gay you have a subscription to Cosmo for a whole year"

"You are so gay that you jerk up listening to Mozart"

Take that, bitch!

"Hmm… well, you are so gay that your wife had to turn to a real man to…"

That's it, I don't even let him finish. Before my mind could react I punch him right on the jaw, talk about retaliation. While his mind still registers what's going on I grab him by his shirt and in a swift maneuver in which I had to jump the bench he was sitting on, I slam him hard against the wall.

I'm really a laid back person, not the violent type, but there's so much one can take before exploding.

I only had the element of surprise for a short while though, because as soon as he shook off the shock of me attacking him he connected his fist in my cheek, sending a wave of glaring pain up into my brain. My eye clouded for a moment but I don't let it be an obstacle to fight back, and after a few minutes we are fully brawling.

Now this really turned completely fucked up.

I feel someone wrap an arm around my neck, chocking me as he tries to get me off Chris. I don't know who it is, but I see Adam trying to get Chris away from me as well, I hadn't even noticed he was back.

"What the fuck is wrong with you two!" Adam exclaims in full pissed off mode and Chris raises his hands in the air, a clear sign that indicates that he won't fight back. I just glare at him, fucking jerk!

The arm lets go of me but it pushes me into a corner, when I look up I see that it's Mark and his mood is the same as Adam's… shit. "I don't know what's with you two but whatever it is you better leave it out of the locker room" His voice thunders through the room and if Chris and I fighting didn't get anyone's attention I can pretty much say this did the trick. I wonder how long will it take for it to reach Vince's ears. "Is that clear?"

I'm still glaring at Chris and Mark grabs me by the shirt so I have no choice but to look at him. "Is that clear?"

I nod and Papa-Taker lets go of me to reprimand Chris. What he said to him was lost to me, because as soon as I'm able to I grab my things and walk out, slamming the door behind me.

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The show is about to start, I'm already in my wrestling tights and my sour mood hasn't gotten any better. I'm still pissed at Chris, but above all else, I'm angry at myself for being such a fucking loser.

In the span of a month I lost my wife, I lost a friend and now it turns out I might be gay!

Welcome to the trials and tribulations of what is my life.

But the more I think about it, and believe me, I've given it much thought, the more I'm convinced that I not necessarily have to be gay. I mean, why can't I just say that I was trying new experiences…

I hear the door of the utility room I'm in open and I lift my gaze to see who is interrupting my solitary reclusion. When I see who it is I look away and continue taping my wrists.

Why is he here? Hasn't he done enough already.

"I knew you were going to be here"

Yeah, yeah… what a genius. Maybe if I ignore him he'll just go away and let me be.

"I just came to apologize; I was out of line…"

"Save it, I don't want to hear it" I reply without looking up at him. I tried to clear things up with him earlier but he was above that. Now I'm the one who doesn't want to talk.

"Come on, Jay… don't be like that…"

"Then how do you want me to be?" I say surprisingly calmed as I stand up to face him. "Am I supposed to step back and let you piss over me just because you can't face the consequences of _your_ actions?"

At least he haves the courtesy to look abashed.

"I tried to clear things up because I cared about our friendship, how stupid of me to think you cared too"

"I do care" He says and I cross my arms up to my chest.

"You sure have a nice way of showing it"

For a while I just stand there, looking at him in the eye as he does the same with me. He doesn't say anything and neither do I, but I think I've done enough talking to grant myself the privilege of remaining in silence. I tried to fix this, but we are now beyond that.

"You know what, to hell with it, I don't need this" I say and walk past him; "I have a match to get ready for" But before I'm to the door he grabs me by the arm and forces me to turn.

I have to admit it, I really thought he was going to hit me, so I got on the defensive and tried to push him away. The black eye he gave me is enough for a night and I don't really want to fight him anymore.

But he doesn't hit me, he just grabs me with both hands by the back of my neck and forces my head inches from his, our foreheads actually resting against each other.

"I said I was sorry, what else do you want from me?" He whispers, his warm breath mingling with my own.

I can't reply, I just stare at those lips inches away from mine and I can't help but to feel all confused. I can't blame it on alcohol now…

I force my eyes to his, last time something like this happened it didn't end that well.

Anyway, I know I've been saying this for a while but what else can I say, this is really fucked up! I open my mouth to say something, a get the fuck away from me would be great, but I just can't… I'm not sure if that's what I want.

His grip still holds me to him and my eyes are locked with his. It's too much and I have to lower my gaze down to his lips again.

God I'm so gay!

I close my eyes, feeling his inviting breath against my face. I'm so not going to kiss him, I'm not… definitely not.

But then he brushes his lips against mine, barely a kiss but definitely not a way a man apologizes to his male friend.

I put my hand on his throat with the intention of pushing him away, but he pulls me closer and our lips crash together. It doesn't take long before we are kissing hungrily.

This is so wrong… there are no excuses to relay on to now.

I know I must stop.

But I also know that I don't want to.

He slowly, and without breaking away from the kiss pushes me against the closed door until he pins me there with his body. I can hear people walking by and talking as Chris kisses me senseless, his body melting into mine.

But much to my sorrow or my shame, I'm still not sure, he pulls away to look me in the eye. His eyes are clouded and confused; I bet that mine looks just the same.

At least I know I'm not the only one that's fucked up.

My breathing is a little labored, and as I look to him I can't help but grin.

"What?" He asks breathless.

"You are SO gay that…"

"Reso" He says interrupting me, there's a slight smile on his face. "Shut up and kiss me"

Chris always knows best, so I do as he says.

~*Cont…*~


	3. Chapter 3

First of all, thanks for reviewing the last chapter, you guys rock my world!

Second: I'm getting into these two more as each day pass. I know that I'm getting out of my element here, but I really had to write this one, it has been bothering me for a while now. Hope you like it!

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I'm not drunk yet, I've been sitting here for more than an hour now and I'm not even buzzed. Now, I know that I made a vow not to drink ever again and all but tonight I'm going to forget that vow. Tonight I want to get drunk, and when I mean drunk I mean totally out of my senses drunk.

There's only one thing; I will never get there by just staring at my beer.

I watch the bottled beverage as it mocks me from where it stands on the table, and as I watch it I know that the first step of drinking myself into oblivion is to actually drink the damn thing.

Drink it and follow it with tons more and then that will be it… I'll be drunk so I can submerge into more self-pity. But as simple as it sounds I can't even get myself to drink the fucking beer.

How am I to get drunk if I can't even drink one beer!

I ordered this one when I came here so by now it must be warm, and there's nothing I hate most that drinking a warm beer… well actually, there are a lot of things I hate more than that but that's not the point right now, I can't drink this shit.

Maybe I should discard the beer already and order one of those sweet-girly drinks that Chris likes so much. I can even choose a color! It could be a green one with a cool name like the Incredible Hulk or maybe a blue one named after a smurf or something, a Papa Smurf?

I chuckle despite myself and I know I crossed the line of being pathetic, I mean, I'm not even drunk and I'm already chuckling without reason.

Whatever… I put on my neutral face again and just keep staring at my beer. I can feel his eyes on me, but I just ignore him.

Anyway, I like blue. So maybe I should just get a blue drink and get the job done already, maybe while I drink it I could muse about how was that my life turned all Brokeback Mountain and how everything became so complicated because of it. Maybe I should get something stronger…

…Or maybe nothing at all. Alcohol is what got me in this mess in the first place and there's a good reason why I vowed to never drink it again. Maybe I should go up to my room and try to get some sleep, forget about everything… simple yet effective.

"So, can I trust you guys not to jump each other and behave like good little boys?"

I venture my eyes away from my beer and look up at Adam. I don't mind looking up at Adam; he's a safe friend to lock eyes with. He's sitting right in front of me and is looking from me to Chris as if expecting an answer.

"Don't worry about us, we already kissed and made up. Right Jay?"

Chris allows his hand to crawl up to my shoulder, a simple friendly gesture that to the passing eyes indicates that we are way past the little brawl in the locker room. But I know better than that and I know that the true intention of his lingering touch is to torment me.

Isn't this how it all started?

I nod, not trusting myself to speak out loud, so I just nod and take a sip at my beer. It taste like piss… not that I've ever tasted piss… but anyway, I just nod.

"Well you better…" Adam begins to say as he keeps looking at the two of us by turns. "Because if I only hear that the two of you are fighting again I won't have any other choice than to kick both your ugly mugs"

She giggles from where she is sitting on his lap and it takes a lot of effort not to yank his hand away from me and just leave them all behind. Of course I don't, and after a while that feels eternal to me his hand leaves me on its own accord.

"I'll keep an eye on them, I don't like when friends fight, it's not nice" She giggles again and I feel the urge to mimic her annoying voice.

Where did Vince found this girl anyway, the Mickey Mouse Club? I mean seriously, is she even legal?

Chris is right; we kissed and made up, literally. And after we kissed our differences away everything seemed to be as fine as it could get between us, or that had been until Adam convinced me to go clubbing with them.

I've never been much of a clubber, it's always too loud and too crowded for my liking, but Adam has a way of convincing me to do about anything, so I tagged along with them… yes, Adam had convinced Chris too. According to my childhood friend, clubbing was just what Chris and I needed to mend our _severed friendship_…

So sue me! I was just curious on how the night would progress between Chris and me. I mean, we still haven't redefined the new boundaries of our _friendship_ and I was just… curious.

At first everything felt awkward and out of place. I couldn't take my mind off the fact that hours before sitting there, Chris and I were kissing in a hidden place at the Arena. I have to admit that I was afraid that Adam was going to find out about us by just looking at me; after all I've never been able to keep things away from him.

But then Chris cracked a joke and everything progressed from there. It was just the three of us being ourselves, just like before this whole mess began. I was even having a good time despite the initial awkwardness of Chris sitting by my side. I mean, is not like we haven't sit side by side before, but it was different… everything is different now.

But it was a good different. Adam, who was sitting right in front of us was completely oblivious of the furtive looks and quick touches that passed between Chris and I. He was just happy that his best friends, that being us, were not fighting anymore.

So everything was going perfectly fine until Kelly fucking Kelly, whose real names turns out to be Barbie… came in.

She takes me back to reality as her hand finds its way to my face. She runs a lone finger delicately from my cheekbone to my nose, it's almost a caress but I hate it… she has no business touching me. "Aw Chrissy, you are so mean. Look at what you did to his face"

I force smile, or at least I think I do. All I know is that it takes a lot of effort to force my muscles not to cringe from her touch.

"It's nothing" I say and she finally gets her hands away from me. "He's done worst and I'm sure he'll do worst in the future" And I'm not talking about giving me a black eye here.

"I'll make it up for him" He says and I bite my tongue as a way of keeping my mouth shut. Fucking asshole, if really wants to make it up to me he shouldn't be flaunting her like that in front of me.

I look at her, trying to avoid Chris altogether, but it's a little bit hard as she is all over him. I know that he's looking at me as I look at his little friend, his eyes burn me.

She is pouting, I don't know why but she is… and it comes to my mind that besides from smiling, pouting is the only thing she knows how to do. That and being all over Chris.

I don't see what he sees in her! Before tonight I didn't even knew that he liked her… I mean, he must like her because otherwise she wouldn't be sitting on his lap.

This is definitely not how I envisioned my night to progress into.

I guess I can see why people think that she's kind of cute… me, I don't think so. Chipmunks are cute, but that doesn't mean I want to pet one. She does have a nice body though.

Didn't Chris have two chipmunks as house pets a few years ago? No… I think they were ferrets but who knows, to me those things look all the same.

"Well, since I have a responsible adult here to take care of you two babies I guess I can leave, I need my beauty sleep"

Barbie giggles again at Adam's stupid remark, and I can't help but to roll my eyes. She doesn't notice because she's too busy giving Chris a peck on the lips.

There's so much one can stomach, and I think I had enough for a lifetime. I stand up while Adam does the same. I feign a yawn and stretch. "I'll call it a night too, busy schedule tomorrow"

"Aw! Well, bye guys" She says in her whiny voice but I'm already making my way to the exit door. I don't even reply nor do I look back to them.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I'm not really sure how long I've been just lying here under the covers of my hotel bed. But it has to be a long while because I can already hear Adam snoring from the bed across my own.

I've been considering this whole thing with Chris and I came to the conclusion that whatever there is between us has to end before it gets too far.

This thing has the potential of making irreparable damage to our friendship and I don't want to risk it. There's that and the fact that I don't like the way I reacted when I saw him with Barbie. I have no right to feel the way I did.

After all we are just friends. He is just a male friend of mine that I like to kiss occasionally and that on one crazy night I sucked off while considering to go even further…

I don't think I can deal with this right now; I'm still going through the pains of a divorce to complicate things even more with him. Let him enjoy that Barbie girl while I keep to my own.

I think that if we stop now we'll be able to salvage our friendship. I don't really want to lose him as a friend, he's way too important to me.

As if I called him with the secret powers of my mind, I hear the door open and then close as he enters the room.

Did I mention that the three of us are sharing a two bedded room?

Well, we are sharing a two bedded room; so I can only hope that this night and all there are to come he decides to sleep with Adam. But just in case, as he locks himself in the bathroom, I stretch on my stomach all over the bed so that he doesn't have any space for himself.

He's going to take his time in the bathroom; I've known him for too many years to know his nightly rituals, so I just remain motionless as he takes his shower.

I'm covered head to toe with the bed's covers, and the only thing I see is complete darkness all around me. I wonder what time is it.

And I wonder if Barbie is the reason he took so long to get back to the room…

When he finally comes out of the bathroom, I have to hold my breath to keep still. I can hear him moving around the room until his footsteps cease and the only thing I can hear is Adam's snoring.

My senses are on alert as I expect to hear from him, but nothing happens… did he froze where he stood or did he fell asleep on his feet? But then I feel him trying to roll me over so that he can sneak into _my_ bed.

Fuck! I tense my body so that my limbs go heavy as stones, this way he won't be able to move me easily.

That's the idea but he's insistent.

"Come on Jay, you know I can't sleep with Adam… he snores" He whispers but I don't reply… you see, I'm _asleep_ and I'm not known for talking in my sleep.

He tries to move me some more but what can I say, I'm a heavy sleeper.

"I know you are awake so just move over"

Again I don't reply.

I hear him sigh. "Do you want me to sleep on the floor? Is that it?"

That sounds good to me, but I bite my lips to keep myself from telling him that. Instead, I wait for him to keep complaining. He doesn't and he doesn't try to move me either.

I wait, but after times passes away I guess he just did as he said he was going to do and went on to sleep on the floor.

Whatever, he got it well… "Urgh"

I grunt in discomfort as I feel his full weight collapse on top of me. I try to push him off of me but now he's the one who's giving me a hard time. I'm on my stomach, pinned almost immobile between the mattress and his back.

"Get off" I complain as his elbow buries deep into my back, the son of a bitch!

"Can't. Already asleep"

"You fucking jerk" So much of him being an important part of my life, but hey… what can I say, I also said that I wanted to remain friends with him and this is just part of it. This is something that Chris would do to one of his friends… I should be glad he didn't force me off the bed. Maybe this is his way of showing that he also wants to remain just friends.

I struggle my way out from underneath him and when I manage I roll to my side, showing my back to him. Adam is still snoring, always unaware of the things that happen between Chris and me.

I really should try to get some sleep. If I keep to my side of the bed and he keeps to his I think I can survive the rest of the night. But just in case, on a future occasion I'll share the bed with Adam… snoring and all.

I feel him accommodating himself into a more comfortable position and I just remain motionless, waiting his movements to stop so that I can go to sleep.

Eventually he stops and I can feel myself drifting off.

"Jay…" He calls on me and I open my eyes, darkness is all that surrounds me.

"Just let me sleep" Or should I have said just let me be?

He doesn't say anything back and I think he is going to let me be after all, but this is Chris and he never does what it is expected from him.

So keeping true to his reputation he just presses his body against my back as his hands slip underneath my shirt.

My lungs fail to function and I'm suddenly unable to breathe, what is he doing? I try to ask him out loud but I'm not able to.

"Are you mad at me?" He asks as his fingertips run lazily over my tense stomach.

Am I mad? How can I answer that if I don't even know, I know that I didn't like what he did but, am I mad? And if I am I won't be for long if he keeps touching me like that.

"Why should I be mad at you?" I ask once my lungs reassumed their essential work.

"Because of Barbie…"

There, he knows what he did or he wouldn't be asking. Maybe I should be mad… maybe I am! I mean, why did he kiss me back at the arena when he really wanted her?

After a lot of consideration, when I came for the show tonight I was willing to talk to him, to let what happened at Adam's slip under the radar.

But no, he had to be all on the defensive so that we ended brawling in the locker room, and then he had to kiss me! I just want to know why kiss me and then flaunt his new girl-doll in front of me? He should have let me alone at the arena…

"I'm not mad, she's your friend and I know how you like to kiss all your friends… I get it now, you are too friendly for your own good. I just hope you didn't punch her afterwards as you punched me"

His hand stops abruptly for a second; it's all it takes him to recuperate, then he's back with his tormenting electric touch. "I apologized… and I don't kiss all my friends, just you"

"And Barbie…"

"That was just a friendly peck"

I snort.

"Are you jealous?" I can feel the amusement on his tone and I try to think on something witty to say, but I don't have it in me, I'm not like him.

"Of course not" What can I say; simple minds give simple answers… I'm not the bestselling author in this bed.

He snuggles even more against me and I can feel his warm breathing caressing the nape of my neck. "You don't have to be jealous over her, I reserve the real kissing to the friends I like the most"

Before I can even reply, his hand lowers to cup me thought the fabric of my pants. Whatever I was going to say got stuck in my throat.

I close my eyes and try to focus.

Before he came into the room I had made my mind to stop this. But now that he's here, touching me so intimately I know I can't stop him. Hell! I can't even think straight. Barbara is the last thing on my mind now and I hope it is the last thing on his mind too…

Focus!

I am trying to focus, but this is Chris, my best friend and he's rubbing me to my fullest. Is not that he's a man, but the awkwardness reside in the fact that I've known him for years. As I said before, he's my fucking best friend! I've seen him bleed and sweat, I've been with him in troubled times and good ones… this is Chris.

I would do anything for Chris.

"I don't think this is a good idea…" I manage to whisper, actually, I think that came out pretty well.

"You don't like it?" He asks into my ear but he never stops his ministrations.

That is the stupidest question ever! He knows that I like it, I mean, he does have my hard dick between his fingers, he must know that I like it.

"That's not the point" I respond and I can say I'm proud of myself…

But then he takes his hand away from me and now I wonder why did I make him stop…

He doesn't give me too much time to dwell in regrets; before I can say 'don't stop' he rolls me to my back. Now, I would do anything to get a chance to see his eyes, but it's too dark and I can barely distinguish the outline of his body hovering above mine.

"Barbie is just a friend, nothing more" He kisses my check, I didn't expected him to do that… but maybe he calculated wrong and was just searching for my lips.

"Then what am I?" I whisper.

He doesn't respond, instead he slides his lips up to kiss me just beneath my eye. It's where he punched me the hardest this afternoon. I close my eyes, enjoying the feeling of his soft lips against my skin.

"A really, really good friend…? I really don't know, you tell me"

I take a deep breath and consider his question for a second. I come up with nothing. "I don't know either" I confess before his lips find my own.

This can get dangerous right here. So much for ending it all… Right now all I want is for him to keep kissing me like this, it's addicting and it makes me want to get more from him.

Without breaking the kiss, he crawls on top of me and if I didn't know it before I know it now; I'm not going to stop him.

If I'm going to give this abrupt change in my life then who better man to do it with than with Chris, my best friend. Some idealist would say that Adam would be a better fit but that would be too fucking weird.

We are still kissing, and it doesn't take long before the kiss turns into something more heated and intense. I'm throbbing for him, and I can feel against my stomach that he is enjoying this as well.

I slid my hands to his naked back and as if they had a life of their own they slip under his boxers… yes, the son of a bitch came into my bed wearing only boxers. Can't say I'm complaining… but anyway, he does have a nice ass and I like how he feels underneath my hands. I pull him closer, letting him feel my need for him.

I'm enjoying myself, but I do need to breathe, so regretfully, I break away from his lips. God I wish I could see his face.

"Let's go into the bathroom" he request and something close as fear washes over me.

I want this, but Am I ready?

I gulp. "What about Adam?" I suddenly remember my other best friend. What if he wakes up? Oh… that's why Chris wants to go into the bathroom.

I hear him chuckle. "I don't want to take Adam into the bathroom, I want to take you"

He doesn't move and just waits for my answer, an answer that I can't muster.

After a while I manage to speak. "I've never done this… I mean… I've done it before but not with a man, just women and…"

He presses his lips against mine and saves me from the embarrassment of rambling more nonsense.

"Then we'll have to guide each other into it… it's a first for me too"

I bit my lip in consideration and he starts to rub me again. If he wants to convince me this is a good way to do it.

"We'll go slowly" He whispers and then go to run his tongue down my neck.

It feels nice, his hands, his tongue… I think I already made my mind. His hands slip into my pants and down my boxers so that he can touch me without the annoyance of my clothes.

"We can go slowly…" I moan huskily, barely aware that I'm repeating what he just said. But I can't help it, his stokes are driving me crazy and if he keep them up I don't think I'll make it into the bathroom.

I want to touch him too.

"Yes, slowly" I think he does want to drive me crazy.

I take his face in my hands and guide him to my lips. I kiss him hungrily for a few seconds before pulling away. "Ok…"

He knows what I mean so he kisses me lightly on my lips. "Then let's go before we wake Adam"

He stands from the bed and waits for me to follow him. I do as expected and I think that from now on I'll just follow him where he leads me, that's how much I trust him.

~*~*~*~*~*


	4. Chapter 4

SO! First of all I want to thank everybody who reviewed and put this on favorite/alert, I appreciate it!

Now… this little chapter is all smut, so if the thought of m/m bothers you I recommend you turn away like… now. This is the first time I attempt to write something like this, so I really hope it turned out fine.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

When the wooden door that was to separate us from the sleeping form of Adam clicks shut behind us, Chris advances to assault me with his mouth. The horny little bastard didn't even give me the chance to turn on the lights. He just goes on directly to push me against the wall and kiss me feverishly, his hands slipping underneath my shirt to roam freely along my skin.

This is all a new experience for me and it feels kind of surreal. I mean, this is Chris, my friend and compadre, a man that I had looked up to both professionally and personally since day one, and that in this night he is kissing me and touching me like this is just… I don't know what it is, but I like it… maybe a little too much.

His lips on mine are nothing but demanding and I can't help but to feel the urge to respond him in kind. I lift my hands and put them at the back of his neck to bring him deeper into me, our tongues dueling together as our bodies had done many times in the ring.

I can see myself getting lost to a point of no return.

Without further notice, he takes off my shirt and I almost voiced a protest when his lips separated from mine. Of course I didn't… I don't think I'll be able to say anything coherent right now.

"You are wearing too many damn clothes" He says in a raspy voice that sends shivers down my spine. His voice also bolted in a rush directly into certain part of my anatomy somewhere below my waist.

"Am I?" I respond dumbly in a breathless whisper as he pulls my pants and my boxers down my legs. I step out of them and kick them aside.

Now I stand completely naked before him. Of course he can't see because it's too fucking dark in here… where's the fucking light switch?

"Well… not anymore" He says before re-claiming my lips with his.

My thoughts of turning the lights on die in my head as his hands slid to my exposed ass to pull me to him, making me feel his lust for this as he is surely feeling mine.

I finally will my own hands into action; they feel a little bit clumsy as I touch him, but they soon get the hang of it and begin their own exploration through the wonders of his body.

His back is smooth to the touch, but what I really want to feel beneath my hands is that squeezable ass of his. So not wanting to waste any more time, I mimic his earlier movements and go to slide his boxers away.

And just as I knew he would, he feels amazing. I give him a little squeeze and pull him to me, earning a moan from him as our naked bodies clash together.

He backs me even more into the wall, fusing his body against me, rubbing his throbbing cock against mine. Fuck, I love the way he feels against me, it's fucking amazing… I don't think I can't turn back now so I hope this is really what he wants.

But why wouldn't it be? He was the one to ask me here.

Without breaking away from him, my hand search blindly for the light switch. I can't find the damn thing and I repress the need to curse. I really want to be able to see him.

I remember as if it was yesterday that night at Adam's. I was able to see him back there, and even when I tried to push the image of his flushed face and his darkened eyes as I went down on him away from my mind, the truth is that I haven't been able to so.

I guess I'll have to go without the lights on this time.

I push him away and swirl him around, so now it's his back pressing against the wall and my body the one holding him in place.

Had I mentioned before how much I like this?

His teasing fingers are on me, wrapped around my swelling arousal and I have to swallow a moan before it escapes to break the silence. I try to ignore the way his fingers are working on me, stroking me into oblivion because if I remain like this I won't be able to do what I want to do.

So I pull away from him to kiss a path down his neck and to his chest. It's my time to drive him out of his fucking mind.

Even when I can't see him I can imagine him in my mind. His eyes must be closed while his head is resting against the tiled wall, his lips slightly open as he waits my lips to finish their journey through his torso and to his cock.

And that's exactly where I'm heading to.

Before my lips reach the much awaited destination I grab him in my hand. He is hard as he'll ever be and it amazes me that he is this way because of me.

He is not saying anything, just waiting for me to go on. Had I render the oh so eloquent Mr. Irvine speechless? Well, as much as I like that I rather have him moaning and gasping… but hey, this is nothing yet, I haven't even started.

I slowly lick the underside of his engorged cock, sliding my tongue along his length. He does reward me with a moan now and I'm encouraged to keep going.

"Oh God…" He whimpers to my delight when I finally wrap my lips around the head of his dick.

He tastes like he did at Adam's, salty and musky, it's just addicting. I slide my lips up and down his length, applying a little bit of suction every time I reach the head.

I can feel him throbbing in my mouth.

"Jay… wait" He pants and I stop my ministrations at once. Has he changed his mind?

"What is it?" I ask while my hand still holds him. Should I take my hand away from him?

For a while I remain there, down on my knees and with his dick in my hand. I don't know what to do and since he doesn't pull away from me I don't release him either.

But then the blinding lights turn on and I have to close my eyes for a moment.

When my eyes begin to adjust to the new lightened room I blink a couple of times before looking up at him. He is looking back at me, his eyes wild and his cheeks flushed.

"I want… to see you… " he mumbles… Chris Irvine mumbling because of me… now I'm the one speechless.

My eyes move away from his and down to where my hand is still holding his erection. It's flushed and wet, glistening in the new light as I stare intently at it.

I take him back into my mouth, enjoying the way his raspy moans fill the room as I work on him, sucking and licking him senseless.

I reach for my own neglected erection and give it a few strokes before he grabs my head and pulls me away from him.

I look back to him and he motions me to stand. "Come here" He breathes out.

I do as he says and stand in front of him. He pulls me into a brief, but delightful kiss and then goes to lock eyes with me.

"Do you have a condom…? I don't… I don't have any"

I shook my head. I don't carry condoms around. I didn't need them because I was _happily_ married and I was never one to cheat around.

"But Adam might…" I say as I remember _that_ friend. I hope he is still asleep, because I'm about to walk naked back into the room with an impossible fucking hard on.

But when I'm about to open the door Chris grabs me by the arm and forces me to go back to him.

"We don't have to do this… if you want we can just…"

"You don't want to?" I ask staring into his deep blue eyes.

"You know I do"

"Then wait here for me" I say and rush out the door.

Adam always keeps his bags next to his bed, so I walk blindly to where the snoring comes from and grab them in a hurry. I carry both bags into the bathroom and close the door and lock it.

If it weren't for the fact that I'm so fucking horny right now, I would laugh at the absurdity of all this. He we are, Chris and I rummaging into Adam's shit so we can find a condom for him to use it with me…

"Here it is" Chris said as he found one, he's also holding a bottle of lube in his hand…

"Why on earth does Adam haves a bottle of lube in his bag?"

Chris looks at me and shrugs. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

I look away and nod, if he keeps asking I'll have to change my mind. Maybe I should have drunk myself silly after all.

When I venture to look back at him he is opening the plastic wrapping that guards the condom, and deep inside I wish he would ask me once again if I'm sure about this so that I can tell him otherwise… maybe if I get a little reassurance…

I'm sitting down on the cold tiled floor, my cock limp between my legs as I hold one of Adam's bags to me as if my life depended on it. I think I'm having doubts about this, I mean; I've never had anybody stick anything up my back door… why can't it be the other way around?

He is down on the floor as well, and when the wrap is open and ready for him to take the condom out for some action he puts it down on the floor and crawls up to me, he takes the bag away from me and put it away.

His lips find mine again and that's how he pushes me down to the floor, kissing me. I respond to him, my body can't help it and I feel my cock stirring up to life as he comes to rest his full weight on top of me.

Of all the places in this world we could be doing this, why are we stuck in a hotel bathroom while Adams sleeps on the other side? A bed would have been more comfortable than this cold/hard floor.

But the way he is kissing me and rubbing against me makes me forget all about the discomforts of our current situation and of the doubts I had before.

He breaks away from the kiss, and just as I did before he kisses his way down my chest. I gasp at the way his lips feel against my flesh, is enough to drive me out of my mind.

Or so I though, that was until his lips came to rest against my stomach, kissing his way even lower. I hold my breath and tense all over. Is he going to…?

He takes me into his hand and I have to close my eyes, my own hands go to tangle into my hair. For a while he doesn't do anything, and I'm afraid that he is having second thoughts about this.

But then I feel his mouth, hot and wet enclosing around my cock.

"Oh Chris… God" my hips arch into him and he explores me with his tongue and lips, his hand stroking me, tormenting me.

It feels fucking amazing, this is already more than I expected from this. He keeps doing his thing down there and I have to bite my lips to keep from moaning loudly.

"Fuck…" I can't say anything; he has reduced me into nothingness already.

"You like it?" He asks and his voice vibrates to my very core. Denise can keep her fucking instructor, this is so much better.

"Fuck yes… but if you keep doing that I don't think I'm going to last much"

He gives me a final suck before pulling away. I remain there, trying to recuperate a bit as he reaches for the condom.

By now I'm so fucking horny that I don't really mind what's to come…

"Give me that" I say sitting up and taking the small bottle of lube in my hand.

I squeeze some of the clear liquid into my fingers and then go to spread it at my entrance. All the while Chris is putting on the condom.

I still think it should be the other way around, but what the fuck. I turn around and on my hands and knees I wait for Chris to break me in. Hopefully, next time I'll be the one doing the pocking thing…

And who's to say this will be bad? If it were that bad men and women all around the world wouldn't be doing it… and hell, I'm a man, I can take it, worse thing had happened to me in the ring and that I do it willingly…

But what can I say, all those thoughts of bravery dissolve as I feel Chris positioning behind me, the tip of his dick brushing against my tight entrance.

And it's tight… maybe too tight for him.

I shut my eyes tight and bite hard at my lips. Maybe we should have practice this with something smaller first.

"Relax" he whispers as he holds my hips secure in his hands.

Yeah right, it's easy for him to say it because he is not the one that's about to get something shoved into his ass!

But I try to do as he says, because if I don't everything will be harder and maybe even painful. So as I try to relax, he slowly begins to push into me.

And with all the relaxing I'm attempting it still hurts! With my teeth digging into my lips I rest my forehead against the floor.

Fucking son of a bitch!

He is trying to be careful by going slowly, but it only makes it worst, I mean, he's not even half through the way and I'm already on the verge of a contusion if I keep banging my head against the floor like this.

So the choice is mine and I go for it. I push against him, forcing his entirely length deep inside of me.

He moans and stays still, I grunt and don't move. That hurt like a bitch but now that he is completely in I don't think it can't go worse.

We can't go back from this.

He gives me time to adjust by staying still, his dick throbbing deep inside of me, buried all the way. Even thought it hurt at first now it only feels kind of weird and slightly discomforting.

Not so bad, I told you I could take it. I'm a man!

"Fuck…" he pants as he begins to move slowly within me. "So fucking tight…"

After a while he start to move more animated and as the awkwardness of it starts to fade I start to enjoy it too. Every time he pushes back into me, an amazing stab of pleasure washes over me.

It doesn't hurt anymore, quite the contrary, but I still have to bite hard on my lips to prevent myself from crying out loud the pleasure he is giving me. But it's inevitable, they do escape my lips and every time I moan I have to bite even harder into my lips to keep them low, I don't want to wake Adam… hell no.

But he is also moaning and gasping, his raspy grunts luring me into voicing my own pleasure. It's hard to keep the moans at bay, I mean, this is Chris… and he is fucking me in a damn bathroom floor, it's just surreal, it's amazing.

I'm on the verge of losing it. This is too much and I don't think I'll be able to hold it anymore. And then his hand reaches down to stroke my hard neglected cock and I have to bang my head against the floor to keep from crying out loud.

He fucks me as he strokes me, and if he keeps like this I'm going to come sooner rather than later.

With his free hand he grabs by hips and pushes harder, faster… and this is all it takes.

"Chris… I… oh God, I'm going to come"

His hand begins to work my cock more frantically and his thrusts go even deeper, sending me to heaven and then back in. I come into his hand and all over the floor, and yet he keeps pumping into me.

I think I'm going to pass out, my knees can't hold me and only by the force of his grip on me am I able to keep from sprawling on the floor.

"Ahh shit"

And then, he grunts and becomes erratic in his thrust, and even when my body is useless right now I gather all my forces to push even more into him.

He mumbles some nonsense as his cock spasm inside of me, and then his hold weakens and I do sprawl into the floor… but it doesn't matter because he sprawls with me.

For an undetermined lapse of time we lay there, panting and barely breathing as our hearts go back to normal.

"Wow" Chris says after a while, me I don't think I can speak as of yet, so I just nod.

"Wow…" He says again as he slides from me. "I… think we need to clean all this mess"

I snort. If by mess he means my semen all over the floor I have to agree with him, after all I don't want Adam to slip with it and kill himself. "Yeah…"

He is already on his feet and I reach out for some bath tissue to wipe it away.

"I don't mean that mess" He says and then goes to pull me up to my feet so that he can kiss me.

I pull away and laugh. "Let me finish that"

"Whatever man, I'll wait for you in the shower"

I go back to finish wiping off the floor and when I'm done he is already on the shower; of course I join him quickly.

"So…" He says turning to me as the water spray us both.

"So" I guess this is awkward to both of us.

"That was amazing" He says pulling me to him, his arm circling my waist.

"Yes it was" And it really was, I mean, I'm a little sore back there and my knees are hurting a little from all that kneeling down, but other than that I feel great, great and ready for some sleep.

We finished cleansing up and when we are finally done we dry each other and dress with the discarded clothes laying around. He came in wearing only boxers so he finishes first than I do. As I dress he just stares at me.

"What?" I ask leering at him.

He just smiles and shrugs. "Nothing…"

I frown but leave it there; we can talk about this later. So when I'm done I open the door and step outside…

Only to find Adam standing right in front of me.

Shit… I think my heart stopped functioning altogether.

His hair is all disheveled and his eyes are glassy. "What's going on here?" He asks looking from me to Chris.

"What do you mean?" I ask with a fake tone of calmness as Chris walks right past me and toward the bed.

"Why were the two of you locked into the bathroom… together?"

Chris sighed from the bed; he was already tucked in under the blankets. "We weren't locked in, I was taking a shower and Jay needed to use the bathroom" His tone was casual and Adam looked back to me for confirmation, I just nod.

"You went in to use the bathroom while Chris was taking a shower?"

I shrug. "Well… when you gotta go you gotta go…"

Adam snorts and looks down on me. "That's disgusting Jay, I mean… seriously" He walks past me and into the bathroom. "I hope you don't feel the urge to go again while I'm in there"

I smile as Adam closes the door right in my face. Then, with the smile still on I look back at Chris. "You… you own me one"

"I'm tired now; can I pay you later… maybe tonight?"

My smile turns into a grin. "You are on Irvine, you are on"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks for the reviews on last chapter, I really appreciate them!

This one is the result of lack of sleep so the beginning is pretty much random. I wrote it for another story (A Punk/Maryse fic) and decided to use the same premise here since they both had some of the same characters; this one is just from another perspective.

I've always liked to intertwine some of my stories so here it is! Of course you don't have to read the other one to understand this (but just in case I'll make a cheap plug lol, it's called Irrésistible)

Anyway, I'm going to make a trip to Costa Rica next Thursday, so I don't think I'll be updating until I come back!

Take care

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

They are so totally wasted!

Well, all of them but Phil, he doesn't drink… or so he says. But I think that tonight he took something he shouldn't have taken. I mean, one needs to be either wasted or very high to end up singing in karaoke Summer Nights while in a nameless bar full of your working peers.

Yes, of all songs in this world they are singing Summer Nights!

So as Chris, Phil and Mickie sing their hearts out on stage I am sitting here, watching everyone around me trying to drink their weight in scotch and tequila.

But not me, tonight I'm very much sober. No, I didn't take Phil's gimmick to heart; it's just that tonight I want to be lucid and in control of all my senses.

Because tonight is the night of all nights!

Well, that is if Adam stops being the annoyingly inopportune nuisance he had been during the past week. Now don't get me wrong, I love Adam to death, he is more than a friend to me, he's like my brother.

But during the past week I came to notice that we spend way too much time together. It's ridiculous! I mean, I had been trying to get some one on one time with Chris for the most part of the week but with Adam always lurking around it's almost impossible.

He's always there, asking his damn questions and making his stupid observations. '_Why are my bags in the bathroom and not where I put them last night? Where are you two going? Why are you spending so much time with Chris? Aren't you two coming back to the room to watch a movie?'_

For the love of God, I need a fucking break from him!

_We_ need a fucking break from him. We can't go back into doing it with him on the same room, it's too risky. Take for instance two nights ago; while he was sleeping, Chris and I started to make out under the blankets, things got a little heated up and we let ourselves be carried away.

He woke up in the middle of it all.

He didn't notice though, he just walked straight into the bathroom while I remained frozen in the spot, horny as hell and with Chris' throbbing dick in my mouth. We got lucky; it would have been hard to explain that one.

So my personal time with Chris had been limited to a few minutes of making out while Adam is not around… and like I said before, he's always around.

Conclusion, if I don't get any tonight, I'm afraid I might die from a serious case of blue balls!

I shake those thoughts off my head and my eyes move to the man that is causing all this turmoil in me. It's all Chris fault, because if it weren't for him none of this would be happening right now.

He just finished his little performance and is now making his way toward me. Phil is walking by his side with Mickie hanging from his neck.

"You three are such dorks" I said without taking my eyes off him once they are close enough to hear. He looks deliciously hot tonight… yeah, my mind has been corrupted and he's the one to blame.

But this that I feel is mutual, I know it is. His eyes tell me the story of his need for this. He craves it too, he has told me with his hands, with his lips…

Fuck, my pants had gotten a bit tight and I have to shift in my chair to get more comfortable.

He's not helping my case either; he's looking at me a little bit too intently, those blue eyes full of promises to come.

This is the last night we are going to spend together until hitting the road next week. Tomorrow morning I'll go back home and he will take a flight to Canada, he's taking his kids to visit his family.

So that means that we have to make the better of this night.

I go back to looking at him; his face is relaxed with an easy smile, his eyes shining as he talks with Phil and Mickie. I don't know what are they talking about and I don't really care. The only thing that has my entire attention right now is the sight of Chris, and even when said man comes to sit at my side and the other two approached with him, I can't understand what they are saying, it's all babbles.

"That was… cheesy" I finally say to him after he exchanges some words with Mickie. "I mean Summer Nights?"

Chris smiles that smile of his, the one that I'm starting to like more each day that passes, he leans into me the tiniest bit. "You don't Summer Nights…?" He nears even more into me. "He got friendly, holdin' my hand" He sings to my ear and I can't help but laugh at his silliness. He gets like this after a few drinks…

But then his hand reaches down to the bulge in my jeans and he starts to fondle me through the fabric. I don't feel like laughing anymore.

Suddenly, he's too close to me to consider it appropriate in public. I have to look away; I have to escape those eyes.

Around us, everyone is minding their own business, so I don't think anyone has noticed yet that his hand is under the table groping me. "Jay you naughty boy, that is not your hand"

"No it's not" I respond, my voice sounding way too groggy for my liking.

"So did you give your chaperone the night off?" His voice is a low whisper against my skin; I like the sound of his voice. I remain there while his hand still strokes me, tormenting me.

"Haven't seen him in a while" Hopefully, he found someone to hook up with. After his second divorce and his break up with Amy he had become some kind of a man whore.

"Let's get out of here before he makes an appearance" He says and takes his hand from me before attempting to stand up. I grab him by the arm and pull him back.

"I don't think it's a good idea for me to walk like this to the hotel" I point to the bulge down between my legs.

He smiles. "Uh… Ok, well. I guess we'll have to wait. I mean, I wish I could do something more than wait but Phil here might freak out…" He sits back at my side and we both look to where Phil is standing. His body is just a few steps away from us, but by the look on his face I can pretty much tell his mind is miles away.

"Hey Phil, have you seen Adam?" I venture to ask, but nothing, he doesn't respond, he's far gone. I bet that if I sneak under the table and suck Chris until he comes he won't even notice…

"Earth to Phil…"

"Uh?" He mumbles looking at Chris.

"Are you just going to stay standing there all night long?" Chris laughs and I can't help but to laugh too.

"Nah… I'll go and find Kofi, he must be somewhere around" He waves to us and disappears into the crowd.

"So what's up with him?" I ask and Chris shrugs.

"Dunno… do you think Adam is fucking Vickie right now?"

I snort, trying not to imagine anything of the sort… I don't think Vickie's exactly Adam's type but still, the mere thought of it is disturbing. "Why, that's disgusting Chris…"

He reaches for my cock again only to find it back to its limp state. "But it worked, let's go"

~*~*~*~*

"Do you think they have cameras in here?" Chris asks with a sly grin on his face while he pins me against the wall. The elevator's door had just closed and we are here all by ourselves.

My hands slid automatically down to grab his ass; I want to pull him nearer. "I don't think so. So what if Adam is in the room, I don't want to do it in the bathroom again"

I say while he rubs his body against mine… I really hope there are no cameras in here; that would be bad.

His eyes are fixed on my lips and I smile at that. "Then I'll have to rent us another room…" He takes my lips in his and starts devouring me with passion.

Of course I respond him in kind, I have neglected myself of him way too long… and there so much a man can take.

But then the fucking elevator halts abruptly and Chris is forced to back away from me. I compose myself as best as I can and soon after the doors open only to reveal my worst nightmare made into reality.

"Hey!" He greets cheerfully and I nod, I can't force myself to smile at him as Chris did. It is none other than the Big Boss, Mr. Vince McMahon… with us in the elevator! What the fuck is he doing here? "Already calling it out"

"Yes" Chris says while I shake my head. Chris looks at me and laughs nervously. "Well, I know I am"

"Me too, big day tomorrow" Vince says in an over exited tone of voice while he pressed the last button on the panel.

This is going to be a long ride.

I remain in silence, we all do. Truth is that Vince doesn't like me much, I don't know why but he doesn't... everybody knows that.

Thankfully, the doors begin open again; I'm getting out of here right now. But before I can move a very much intoxicated Shane Helms walks into the elevator. Matt is with him but stays back. But not Shane, he came in, saw Vince and then walked back out. "Sorry…"

I hear Chris snickering at my side as I start to walk out too. "Good night" I look back in before the doors closed, Chris is looking at me with eyes wide open… that's when Shane burst out laughing. I'm pretty much sure Vince heard him.

"Dude!" Matt yells and then starts laughing as well. "Are you fucking crazy?" They are both wasted as hell and I'm pretty much sure that Vince noticed that as well.

I can't help but to smile a little while pushing the button to go back up. I look down to them while I wait, so I see the exact moment when Shane fell to the floor, laughing like only a drunk can laugh.

"Jay" Matt laughed trying to put Shane back to his feet. "Help me here"

I roll my eyes and take one of Shane's arms to pull him up, it's almost impossible.

"We were about to ride the elevator from hell" He laughs while tears stream down his face. It's really juvenile…

"Fuck it" I laugh too, releasing his arm. The little progress we've made on getting him up wasted. I take out my phone, put the camera on and take a picture of him laying on the floor while Matt tries to get him up. "I'm so going to show this to everybody. I'll call it, the day before he got his ass fired. I can put it on Myspace or something" Of course I don't have Myspace, but they don't know that…

"Dude, you don't have a Myspace" Matt laughs. Shit.

"Well… I'll sell it on E-Bay"

The elevator door opens again and Chris steps out.

"Why did you leave me there with Vince?" He looks at Shane and then at Matt. "And what the hell is with this gonzo?"

I shrug, already losing interest in the drunk duo, so I just go back into the elevator. "Let's get out of here" I want to see if Adam is in the room or if we'll have to rent another one.

Chris walks in with me, and when the elevator doors are about to close he stops them, takes out his phone and takes a picture of Shane. "I'll put it on my site" He smiles at Matt and then the doors close. I smile too.

"So" He says putting the phone back into his pocket. "That was… interesting, but you owe me one"

Our room is in the next floor, so the ride is short. We hurry ourselves out and into the room. No sight of Adam.

I'm about to suggest we rent another room, just in case. What if Adam walks in or something… but the notion is forgotten as his lips capture mind.

I stumble backwards and he moves with me, following my every step until he has me against the wall. Chris, you see, he likes to take control… but tonight I have other plans for him.

But I'll enjoy this for a while longer. The way his body pushes me hard against the wall is mind blowing, I love it.

He's already into this too, I can feel his need hard against mine own, pushing insistently as if it could trespass the boundary of our clothes… fuck! I hope this night we don't get any interruption, I want this pretty bad.

But, there's always a but… While Chris is kissing me and while I kiss him back the door of the bathroom opened abruptly. It's Adam.

Shit…

Chris backed away from me as fast as he could, but by the way Adam's mouth is hanging open while his hand froze in place against his damp hair I can pretty much assume he saw something.

"What the fuck is this?" His eyes, his cold green eyes are fixed on me… I don't know what to say.

He remains still for a while and I have to look away from the query in his eyes, I look at Chris. He's pretty much speechless too, we are all.

But then Adam moves. And he moves toward the door and out of the room.

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

So I'm back! Huge thanks to takers dark lover, AnonymousPunk, DarkZoul, Fairytink101, TakerTakeMe, TJ Sparkles and dehlia666 for reviewing last chapter! You guys are the best!

This is a short one but I hope you enjoy it all the same…

BTW, I had a great time in Costa Rica, best country ever (after mine of course… and yours… ;-p)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Shit…"

Chris mumbles under his breath once again while running his fingers through his short blonde hair.

Shit. It is the only word he had said since Adam fled the room a few minutes ago; shit… it had become his new litany, the only word his mind seems to remember.

Me, I have nothing to say. My mind can't seem to grasp any word to repeat over and over again like he does. It's as if my mouth has lost its ability to speak.

What can I say anyways?

I wish I would have think of shit first, although fuck would had been a better choice, more fitting to the situation…

"Shit…"

There he goes again.

"What are we going to do now?" He asks and I can distinguish a note of desperation in his voice.

Well, at least his vocabulary is improving by the minute while mine remains the same, nonexistent. He always beats me to everything.

I dare to move my eyes away from the door and venture to look at him. He is standing a few paces away from me, biting hard on his lips while his eyes are glued to the door, just as mine were.

It's as if he is expecting Adam to burst back in to give us a piece of his mind. Well, at least that was what I was expecting that to happen.

Shit… I have no clue on what to do. We were so totally busted… and by Adam of all people.

There's no easy way out of this.

"I think you should go and talk to him" Chris concludes and I can only stare blankly at him. Of course, he doesn't notice because his eyes are still fixed on the door.

"Me? Why me?" I don't want to talk to Adam, at least not yet. And why does it haves to be me, he's the one that is good with words, not me. Besides, I wouldn't know what to say.

He finally tears his eyes away from the door and looks at me, his blue eyes unreadable as they meet mine. "Because you are his fucking friend Jason" He says a little bit too harshly for my liking.

I cross my arms up against my chest, refusing to drop my gaze on him. "First of all, back up with the tone buddy; second, well… correct me if I'm wrong, but you are his friend too!"

He doesn't reply to me, instead, he just allows himself to fall on top of the bed with his face buried in his hands.

Great! Not only is Adam either upset or mad… maybe both, but now Chris is upset as well. I don't want either of them to the mad or upset with me!

God, this is not going to end well; I know it and I don't like it at all.

I sigh, trying to make a quick decision before all this go to hell… but I don't know about that, maybe I'm already too late.

Shit… This is all fucked up and not the way I envisioned this night to end.

It's not as if I wanted to keep Adam in the dark forever about this whole thing with Chris. He's like a brother to me and in time I would have told him… well, probably.

I think I would have told him in time, I just didn't know how to bring the matter up. A 'Hey Adam, guess who am I sleeping with' was not the way I wanted to tell him, but on the other hand, he walking on us wasn't the way either…

But now that he knows and this is all in the open I should take the opportunity to address it.

"Fine, I'll talk to him" I say looking down on Chris. He doesn't respond nor does he moves.

I wait a while longer, hoping to get a reaction from him, anything, but he just remains there, immobile. It's pretty obvious that I'm on my own in this.

"Fine…" I hiss and move to the door. "Just fucking fine"

I walk out of the room, and once I'm out I close the door behind me, leaving Chris and his silence back there.

And I thought women were complicated… whatever, I'll deal with these guys one at a time, and right now its Adam's time.

I look around, trying to gather my courage to go and face the man that I grew up with. I shouldn't be so nervous about it, after all I've known since forever.

The corridor is deserted, there's no sign of Adam. It doesn't matter, he can't be too far away, I mean, he was barefoot when he left the room and a man can't walk too far away barefoot…

And like I said, I've known him since forever and I think I know where I can find him. So, I make my way to where the vending machines are and I'm not surprised to see him there. See, I know him too well.

He is just standing there, his back resting against the wall while his eyes are tightly shut.

I stay where I stand, not daring to move any further.

This is ridiculous to say the least. I'm a grown man and I don't have to give any explanation whatsoever about what I do or who I do it with. My personal life is my own and I don't have the need to feel bad about it.

But this is Adam, and after all we had been through I know he deserved better than finding out the way he did.

"I knew I was going to find you here" I say and as soon as he hears my voice his eyes open. He looks at me, his face a mask I can't decipher.

"Look…" I begin to say but he cuts me off with a snicker.

"Save it Jason, I don't want to hear it" He begins to walk away from me, but as soon as he walks by my side I grab him by the arm. I need him to listen to me.

"Would you at least hear what I have to say?"

He cringes away from me as if the mere thought of me touching him disgusted him; I freeze right where I stand. He turns to me, his eyes huge sockets in his face as he looks down on me in disdain.

There, under the scrutiny of his glare I feel my stomach sink to my toes. Never in all the years we have known each other I have been on the receiving end of his anger. I back away.

"As far as I'm concern, you have nothing to say that I care to hear" He growls at me, his face red with anger. There's even a vein that seems about to pop out of his temple.

He begins to walk away and I'm too stunned to move, but then, as if he thought better of it he walks back to me.

"I thought you were my friend Jason… how could you keep _this_ away from me?"

I feel like a little boy being chastised by an angry father. I can't even look up to him.

I open my mouth to say something, anything to make this better, but I don't know how to begin, I don't know what to say. So I just shake my head, I'm not sure why but I do.

"You know what… forget about this… I don't have to deal with you anymore" After sharing his sentiments with me he flees the scene again… barefoot and all.

For an undetermined amount of time I remain there, looking down to the floor as times passes me by. That didn't come out well and it's all my fault.

Defeated, I walk back to the room.

I hate this night; it has to be in the top 5 list of my worst nights ever. Of course, number one was the night I found my wife cheating on me… it all followed downhill from there, this is all her fault.

I finally reach the door of the room and open it. I want to crawl into bed and forget this night ever happened. Maybe by tomorrow everything will get better, it sure can't get worse.

Or so I thought until I saw Chris packing his stuff. Is he leaving too? And here I was thinking this night couldn't get any worse.

"Where are you going?" I ask like the pathetic loser that I am.

He stops his doings for a moment to look at me, then he keeps doing his thing.

"Look, I think it's better if I just go and find another room for the night"

I blink a couple of times, not really understanding why does he has to leave. "Are you mad at me?" I ask, my voice broken as I watch him zip his bags and gather them over his shoulders.

He sighs and walks to me… or maybe it's the door he wants to reach. "I think its better… until everything cools off. Maybe I'll just take an early flight home and think things over"

Think things over… that doesn't sound good to me… and he didn't answer my question either, so he must indeed be mad at me; he wouldn't be leaving to think things over if he wasn't mad at me.

This is too much drama for me, I feel like crying and cursing… but of course I don't do either of those things. I just stay there, looking at him as he reaches for the door.

"I'll give you a call ok?" He says and pats me on the shoulder, a fucking pat!

I nod because there's nothing else I can do. He stands there for a minute without saying anything, and then he leaves, just like that.

They both left… in one night I might have lost the two men I care most about in this world.

Shit…

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

Thanks for the reviews! I really appreciate them… now, please don't hate after this lol

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I'm getting a little bit antsy here. I know it's ridiculous and maybe a little naïve of my part but I can't control it. It's just the way I am, I worry and I get antsy…

But I don't want do worry myself about it.

I want to lock it all up in the back of my head and act all cool and everything, just like he is doing.

But I can't. No matter how hard I try I can't.

So I just sit here and try my best not to look at where he is chatting and laughing with some of the guys. It shouldn't have to be so hard; I just need to concentrate on taping my wrists and getting ready for my upcoming match.

And for while it works, I put on my boots, my elbow pads… I circle my wrist with this damn tape thing…

Should I just go and talk to him?

I mean, he's my friend, he's more than a friend… and he never said anything about not wanting to talk to me… Adam was the one who said that, not Chris.

Maybe I should give him some time; I mean he had just arrived here. Maybe he will make his way to me on his own time.

Yeah… I think I should wait. Wait until he says his hellos all around.

But what if he doesn't come to me? After all he did say that he was going to call and he didn't.

And God how I hate that! I hate it when people say they are going to call and they don't, because when someone says that to me I expect to be called… So if he wasn't going to call he shouldn't have said that and save from a whole weekend of waiting for his damn call.

I know! How pathetic… but I do worry, and I worry a lot. I'm a pessimist by heart.

My mind works on overdrive, and as I waited for his call I couldn't help but to imagine the worst case scenarios of why he wasn't calling. Those thoughts ranged from his plane crashing down, his kids getting hurt, that he decided to cut off his friendship with me… hell, I even worried for his mother! The sad thing is that it doesn't stop there… like I said, my mind works in overdrive.

And that was supposed to be my relaxing weekend!

I look down and notice that I have taped my arm almost to the elbow pads… no, I have taped it over the elbow pads.

"Fuck" I mumble as I angrily rip the tape off my arm. It hurts a bit, but what really bothers me is that now I have to start all over again.

"Are you trying to peel your skin off?"

I don't have to look up to know who that is.

I smile, but I don't look at him. I don't want to come up as desperate or anything…

"Yeah… I'm testing with my arms before I try it on my face… you know, to save a few bucks and all"

I hear him chuckle as he puts his things on the floor, right beside mine.

I begin to carefully tape my wrist again, trying to act cool, collected.

I had always secretly idolized Chris, both as a performer and as a person. He has achieved everything he had proposed himself to do and I admire him for that. It sounds corny, but I always considered myself lucky to be among his circle of friends.

Now that we had crossed that line of friendship I feel a little overwhelmed, maybe a bit intimidated by him… can't help it.

"So, how was Canada?" I ask casually because I know he was going to take the kids there to his mother's.

"It was ok"

"Good"

I finish up with the tape and toss it aside. It is then that I venture to look up to him. I take in his appearance only to notice that he is wearing my shirt, the one he mistakenly took back at Adam's place.

I don't think he realizes it though.

"Is your match next?" He asks meeting my eyes, and as I look into those blues of his I notice something I can't quite decipher.

"Not yet" This feels awkward to say the least, not quite right.

"I'd like to talk to you… after your match"

"Oh…" Not right at all. "You know, we can talk now, I'm not up until the end of the show…"

"I'd rather talk to you afterwards"

I sigh. Why does he always haves to dictates the when's and the how's? And why do I always have to agree with whatever he says? I already know that I might not like what he has to say so the sooner we get this over with the better. "I'd rather we talk now"

He spaces out for a bit, as if he is considering what to say. But then he stands up and I know we'll have to do this his way, as always. "Ok… but let's go somewhere more private"

I remained seated for a while, even when he begins to walk away and toward the door. I get up and as if in a dream I begin to walk the way he is leading.

Maybe it was best to leave this conversation for later… I don't want to enter the ring moping!

I should have listened to him because he's always right and that's why I always do what he says. Of course I don't say anything of the sort and just follow him into another locker room, this one empty.

I take a deep breath, getting ready for whatever he has to say. No matter what, I will keep my emotions in check; in fact, I will start to build now some nice-thick walls all around me so when the blows come I won't feel a damn thing.

I lock the door behind me, my eyes glued to him.

"So…" I try to sound positive, but my voice betrays me, it sounds broken.

He crosses his arms up to his chest while his eyes remain in mine. "I talked to Jessica over the weekend"

So he talked to his wife… well; I talked to mine too, through my lawyer! I nod, my teeth clenched because I'm afraid I know where this is heading to.

"She wants us to go back together… to try things out" He clears his throat, his eyes painfully digging into mine. "And I said yes"

"Oh…" Leave it to Chris to go straight to the point, no point in sugar coating the blow, he liked it raw.

Those nice walls I built earlier… I feel them crumbling all around me. I'm speechless, broken… so I lose it all. No wife, no Adam… no Chris. I have nothing, nada!

He walks to me, and as much as I'd like to turn around and leave him behind to get somewhere where I can be alone to drown in my sorrow I just watch him approach and stand right in front of me.

"You know I care about you Jay"

I close my eyes because he takes my hand in his and for some reason the contact it's unbearable. "But she's your wife… I understand Chris… really" I open my eyes to look at him. I do understand, she's his wife and the mother of his kids. But that I understand doesn't mean that it hurts any less.

And it hurts because this will put an end to our friendship, it is the end to everything; nothing will be the same now.

He sighs. "But I have the kids to think about…"

I frown, the big _but_ is for his kids. Is he going back to his wife for the kids or is he breaking things with me for the kids?

"… Especially Ash. He's big enough to…"

"To ask why is Uncle Jay kissing his daddy?" I chuckle bitterly because I get it now. This is not about Jess, this is about me. "You think I would make you unfit to be a good father, less of a man?"

His stares at me, astounded. But astounded about what, that I know what he is thinking? "I never said that" His voice is low, almost a whisper.

"You don't have to say it Chris, I can see it in your eyes"

If he wasn't sure about us why did he had to kiss me? Why did he have to touch me and let me touch him? Why did he let me get all riled up with something he knew was getting nowhere?

I pull my hand away from his and turn around to leave; I don't want to see him and I don't want be here anymore.

"Jay" he says grabbing me by the shoulders and turning me back to him.

I try to push him away but when he manages to place both his hands in my face, securing it close to his, I stay still. "Damn it Jay" He whispers resting his forehead against mine, his breath brushing against my face.

I close my eyes because they sting and I don't want to embarrass myself with unwanted tears. But it's hard to control the turmoil of emotions ragging all over me when he is close enough for me to touch, to kiss.

One of his hands moves to the back of my head and he pulls me even closer to him, just a few inches away from his lips. I can almost taste him and I have to swallow hard the lump that had formed in my throat.

I really want to leave this place, and as soon as I'm able to I will. It's not as if I have to wait for anyone, I'm on my own, all alone.

"I have to prepare for my match" I say and the calmness in my voice surprises me.

I feel him takes a deep, long breathe and it is then that I notice that I had been holding my own. I am still holding it and I don't think I will be able to breathe again until I'm out of here.

Thankfully, he releases me and I'm able to turn around and leave, and I leave without looking back.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Denise always liked her ice cream when she was feeling down… and at the end of our marriage I would always find her eating straight from a bowl of Ben & Jerri's while watching those chick flicks she likes so much.

It never crossed my mind that she was unhappy, and as I lay here I wonder if she would have cheated if I had paid more attention to her instead of obsessing with the fact that I was going back to the WWE…

But anyway, the thing is that she cheated and I caught her, and whatever love I had for her she killed.

I heard he dumped her…

I dumped her, he dumped her and now Chris dumped me! We all get dumped in the end…

Now who's going to couch her through her tennis classes? A woman instructor so that she can turn lesbian? Ha! Wouldn't that be something?

I gulp down the rest of my beer. Denise liked her ice cream for when she was feeling down and I like my beer to heal my sorrows.

Cheers for that!

I toss the can aside once it's empty; it was the last one. I should have bought more of those, because now they sell them half empty! Can you believe that?

I still can raid the mini bar… if only it wasn't so far away, I don't think I can't get up from this bed, not now, not never…

Sleep is what would do me best; because when I sleep I don't think, and thinking is what hurts the worse… thinking sucks… hurting sucks even more.

I'm tired of getting hurt.

I hear a knock at my door and hold my breath… then I giggle. I'm so stupid, it can't be a knock at my door because who would be knocking at my door?

That's right, no one!

But then it comes again, and again.

It is my door! What if it's Chris? What if he made up his mind about Jess and all? I drag my body out of bed and stumble to the door, damn feet.

The knocks continue and I hurry even more, I don't want him to go away… if it's him that is. I don't want to put my hopes up high only to be disappointed at the end.

So when I reach the door I run my fingers through my hair and try to collect myself, and when I'm ready to face whoever is at the other side I open the door.

"Hey…" He says looking at me and I can only stare back.

"Hey" I whisper. Don't know what else to say.

He runs his finger though his blonde hair, he seems a bit unsure. "I… can I come in?"

I blink a couple of times, trying to react without overreacting. So he wants to come in… I think I sobered up only by his presence, I didn't really expect him to show at my door. "Sure" I say and move away so that he can pass and once he enters I close the door.

Am I disappointed? Not at all.

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

Thanks for all the replies! I can't say enough how much I appreciate them!

Now, I had some trouble with this one. I wanted something; my muses wanted another thing so I just stood in a middle ground, a little bit of both. Hope you enjoy!

On another note, today is the 10 year anniversary of **Owen Hart**'s premature death, so go and watch a video of him and remember him as one of the best wrestlers of his days! He is still missed =(

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

He sits at my bed, and even though it is my bed now I feel the obligation to remain standing. I don't want to scare him off or something…

"So" He says looking around the mess I have made. "I see you were having a little party here"

I shrug, taking a look at all the cans scattered around. I try to count them, but when I reach to seven I decide to stop, it depresses me. "I would offer you one but I ran out of them…" Well, I drank them all to be more specific.

He nods while biting at his lower lip, his eyes fixed somewhere in the floor. For a while we both remain in silence; me musing on how awkward this whole thing is and he… well, I really don't know what he's thinking.

"Didn't saw you today at the arena, I was looking for you" He says looking up to me.

I blink a couple of times, I'm dumbfounded. So he was looking for me…? The man he didn't want to talk to only three days ago? Why was he looking me for? I clear my throat. "I wasn't feeling so good so I left early"

He nods again. "Look" He scratches his chin for a long while and then takes a deep breath. "I just came here to apologize for what happened. I overreacted and I had no excuse to act the way I did and… well, I'm sorry"

I open my mouth to reply but nothing comes out. This is clearly the highlight of my day… no, I must correct that. This is the highlight of the last past few days. Maybe not everything is lost; maybe there is still hope… at least with him.

I walk to the bed and sit down. I still guard my distance because like I said, I don't want to scare him off.

"No, I should have told you… it was my fault, and you shouldn't have to find out the way you did" Yup, that's just me being me; I'll take all the blame.

He turns to me, his green eyes more lively than they were when I opened that door to find him standing outside. "But still, I shouldn't have reacted like I did, what you do with… the thing is that I have no business in your stuff. What you do is yours business, not mine"

"But I should have told you" I say turning to him too. This is getting nowhere, we can sit here all night long playing this game of who is to blame or we can try to make this work out. I choose to try to work this out; even when my mind is not at its clearest point tonight I know what I have to do.

"You are like a brother to me, and I guess I was afraid of the way you were going to react. I didn't want you to reject me or get disgusted by me"

"Well, I was shocked. I mean, seeing you two making out was something I never expected to see in this lifetime, but I don't think I was disgusted; shocked, yes, disappointed… yes"

"I disappointed you?" I ask in a broken whisper.

He runs his hand along his face before giving me his answer. I'm afraid he will say yes, because I hate to be a disappointment.

"Not of you. I guess I was disappointed with myself, because if two men I consider to be my best friends had to hide something like this from me, then it means that I'm not such a good friend to them…"

"Adam…"

"Let me finish. So I was bummed, I was jealous and I just freaked out. I was afraid that since you and Chris were… together, you were going to dish me and forget all about me and all those silly things one muses about. So I took it all on you because as much as I care about Chris, it was you I was afraid to lose… I mean, you are the brother my mother refused to give me and I'll love no matter what"

I sniff because that's the most beautiful thing he has ever told me and because fucking alcohol makes me teary. I want to give him a hug, but of course I don't.

"Now don't get all sentimental on me Reso" He laughs reaching to me to wipe a tear that had just escaped me.

I laugh it off and wipe at my eyes. I feel like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders, like there is light at the end of the tunnel. "I'm not sentimental" yeah right. "I love you too dude"

He sighs and looks around the room. "So where is Chris? I've always wanted to lecture someone about the risks of dating you"

I grunt and throw myself backwards into the bed. "Well, save it, he's not here"

"Don't tell me he went to buy more beer" He laughs and I wrinkle up my nose.

"No, he went back to his wife"

I can't see his face from here, but his silence tells it all.

"What do you mean he went back to his wife, like in he dumped you?" His tone is severe and I can tell he's getting angry.

"He didn't dump me… it's not like we were dating or anything…" and technically, I am correct. We never said anything about dating; we just allowed things to carry too far.

"Yeah right… and that's why you drained all this beer on your own… God I'm going to find that son of a bitch and kill him"

I feel him starting to stand up and I struggle to sit up and reach out for him to grab him by the arm; I don't want him to go and _kill_ Chris, why would I want that? "It's nothing Adam, really"

He sits back. "I don't know why are you defending him Jay? It's clear that he used you"

I chuckle; I don't want to believe that, he cares about me… he told me so. "I'm not defending him Adam, just forget about it. Tomorrow I'll feel better and everything will go back the way it was, ok?"

But only I know they won't… not without Chris.

He snickers and shakes his head; at least he remains sitting here. "Tomorrow you will have a hell of a hang over, I tell you that"

I laugh because I'm drunk and because I know he speaks the truth. After a while of just staring at me he just laughs along and the tension is off the air. It is just me and Adam, like in the old times when there was no Chris and no Denis and when he didn't had all those divorces under his belt…

I miss those times.

After a while we stop laughing and just get lost in a comfortable silence.

This is really nothing, if I got over Denis I should get over this Chris thing too. The only difference is that after I kicked Denis out of the house I didn't have to deal with her anymore, that's why I pay my lawyer for.

But with Chris is different because I will have to see him every time I go to work, which are more days that I care to count. I will have to see him and pretend it doesn't hurt; I will have to act like if I'm fine while on the inside I'm dying for him to talk to me.

How did I end up so fucked?

"So how was it?" Adam asks taking me out of my trance.

"How was what?" The beer?

"You know… kissing a guy and all that"

Oh no… tell me this is my drunk imagination speaking and that he is not asking me that. I've never been comfortable discussing the intimate aspects of my life, not even when I was with women.

But I should have expected him to ask, he had always been curious like this.

I sigh. I'll go through the safe route, I'll tell him without giving away too much details. "It was ok, I guess. Just like kissing a woman"

He closes the distance between us, sitting close enough for his knees to touch my thighs; I frown and leer at him. "So have you always liked men or is it a phase or something?"

I chuckle. I don't know if it's a phase… I guess it's not, because as I sit here I want nothing more than to be with Chris right now… or maybe it is a phase, I will call it the Chris' phase.

"I don't know… it just kind of happened" I don't want to categorize myself with terms such as gay, straight or bisexual… I'm just a man than happens to like another man… a lot.

"I see…" He bits at his lips, and old habit of his. "Well, will you show me?"

I slowly, very slowly turn my head to him. "Show you what?" I ask in apprehension, I'm not liking this.

"How it's like…" He asks raising his eyebrows.

I'm not getting this, I'm really not. It must be the alcohol. "You want me to show you what it's like what?"

He rolls his eyes. "To kiss a guy, I just want to know what it's like"

I just stare at him, my brain slowly registering what he just asked me. He wants me to kiss him?

I chuckle and run my hand through my hair. This is messed up. "I… I don't know… I already fucked up things with Chris and I don't want to do the same with you"

"So I'm not kissing material… Chris is but I'm not"

God! Do I really deserve all this punishment; am I so bad of a person that you sent me to hell while alive?

"It's not that…" I chuckle again. Doesn't he understand that he's like my brother and I had never kissed a brother of mine! Kissing him would be the closest thing to incest I would ever get.

"Then why won't you?" He asks while giving me _the look_, the one that always manages to convince me to do about anything.

I sigh. I blame that I'm actually considering doing this to a combination of those eyes with the alcohol. I know I shouldn't do this… "Fine, but just a quick one"

"Ok"

I turn to him and I don't know what feels weirder, he asking me to kiss him or the fact that we are just sitting here, waiting for the other one to take the first step.

"Should I just…" The confidence in his voice is long gone and he makes a gesture with his hand, asking if he should come over to me.

And hell yes he should, he's the one that wanted this. Why doesn't he just kiss me and be over with this.

You know what? Fuck it, if I wait for him we'll be sitting here all night long and probably good part of the morning. I don't have all that time; I have to hit the road early, so I'll take the first step… I know I took it with Chris…

So I lean into him and press my lips to his. It's chaste, is quick and it's safe; I hope it's enough to satisfy his curiosity.

But apparently it is not enough because he had just placed one of his hands at the back of my head to hold my in place, making our lips linger together more than its necessary.

After a while of just pressing his lips to mine, he allows his tongue to escape his mouth to meet mine lips in a slow caress, asking permission to go in. This is wrong in some many ways, and I should just step back and stop this.

I know how messed up this could get.

But I don't stop him; I just part my lips for him so that he can slide in. Hell, I can add this to the list of mistakes I've made while drunk.

And right in he goes!

And as much as I hate to admit it, I'm kind of enjoying this. He was a little hesitant at first, but after he tasted the waters and all he got more comfortable, tasting and exploring as if I'm a delicacy he doesn't want to finish just yet.

The man does know what to do with that tongue, and I'm liking this more than I have a right to.

Chris's kisses were always hungry and full of passion; he always made me crave for more. With Adam is different, he's more tender, something I never expected him to be. His kisses are sweet, full of promises to come.

His tongue explores me slowly but thoroughly while his hand pushes my head even closer to his, deepening the kiss. I can do nothing more than to respond to him.

But I shouldn't; this could get out of control if I don't put an end to it like right now. I don't want this to turn into another friendship gone wrong, I can't risk losing him too, not after I just got him back in good terms.

So I pull back, my breath a bit ragged. I won't lie, I liked it, but he is not Chris, no one would ever be Chris… that thought depresses me.

He pulls back as well, biting on his lips as his hand go up to run along his hair.

"Well… it is kind of like kissing a woman… only if that woman had a beard"

My hand automatically goes up to my chin to rub there. "I guess"

We submerge into another lapse of silence and I try to think on something to say. It's inutile, my mind is blank.

"I guess I better go now" He finally says while getting up to his feet.

I nod.

He walks to the door and before he opens it he turns to me. "And Jay, Chris is a dumbass to let you go"

I look up to him but before I can think of a reply he's gone.

TBC

~*~*~*~*~*~*

Well, my Jericho muse is pissed as hell! But after being so naughty with the Christian muse I think he deserves it ;-p If he behaves nicely I might make it up to him!


	9. Chapter 9

Thank you all so much for the reviews! I can't say enough how much I love them.

And I'm sorry it took me so long to add this chapter, I'm having trouble with my muses! I just hope it doesn't take so long for the next one. Now, this is kind of a fill in for the next one, hope you like it as well! As for the story, I'm guessing two more chapters, maybe three and then it's over, we'll see.

~*~*~*~*~*~*

Someone once said that the only way to escape the abyss is to look at it, gauge it, sound it out and descend into it.

This statement hits the nail right in the head when it comes to me. I mean, I really went deep into the abyss, and while I dwelled there, lost and confused I found myself face to face with my worse demons.

For a while they won over me. They found me at my worse and took the opportunity to spit on me and kick me while I was in ground unable to stand up. I let them do it, but worse than that I let myself get sucked in in a sea of sorrow and I almost drowned.

Well… not anymore.

I got tired of it; I got tired of being the bummed out guy who is too busy taking pity on himself to notice what is around him. I decided I was not going to remain on the ground, I wanted to stand up.

And stand up I did.

It helped me a lot spending some time away from him and all that reminded me of him. You see, after that awful night, us in the ECW brand split from Smackdown to tour with RAW. It was only for a short week but it was enough to put my feet back on the ground.

Shane also helped me to emerge from the chasm I was in… and no, I did not kiss him nor did I want to. But hitting the road with him transported me back to the times when I was actually a cheerful person that enjoyed being on the road; I want to be that guy again.

I will be that guy again.

I'm determined to be my old self. If I got over Denis after being married to her for seven years, I can easily get over this infatuation with Chris. Sure, it took me several months to get over the Denis thing, and even to this day I'm still a bit resentful… but the thing is that I will get over Chris, and in the meantime I will pretend as if I already did, because like I said, I don't want to be bummed out anymore.

So, do I care about Chris? Of course I do. Am I going to let all this put me down forever? Hell no!

Who knows, maybe one day we can go back to being friends again… yes, one day… but for now I will have to face him almost on daily basis, put on my best smile and pretend everything is back to normal. It can't be so difficult; I do want things to go back to normal… or as close to normal as they can get.

But, like I said before, there's always a _but_, if I want everything to go back to normal I have to start by talking with Adam first, because the kiss we shared the last time we saw each other was everything but normal.

I know now that I shouldn't have agreed with him, because by doing so I just complicated my existence more than it already was. I just hope it didn't carry out consequences… I don't think I'll be able to handle consequences.

So… I'm here, making my way into the arena and looking for Adam. I haven't spoken with him in the past week so this talk I want to have with him unnerves me the slightest bit. He did texted me though, this morning, asking if I was going to travel with him.

I didn't reply to him… I guess I will be traveling with him, but it all depends on the outcome of this _talk_.

So dragging my suitcases with me, I make my way into catering because it's still early and I know that if Adam is in the building, catering is the place to look.

And I was right, as soon as I open the door I spot him sitting in one of the tables while reading a magazine. He doesn't notice me as I approach; his face is a mask of concentration as he keeps eyeing the pages.

I choose the chair right in front of him and sit. "What are you reading there?" I ask in my best casual tone, I think I pulled it out all right.

He looks up at me and smiles that toothy grin of his. "Hey"

"Hey" I reply.

He shrugs, his grin fading into a soft smile. "Just this old magazine… I found it in the locker rooms"

"Ok" I say as he goes back to reading. I really need to start talking before I lose my nerve.

"Question" He says before I can open up my mouth, his eyes are still glued to the magazine. "Who do you think was the better Beatle?"

I frown; I didn't come here to talk about The Beatles. I take a peek of the magazine he is reading and see a picture of said group. I roll my eyes.

I shrug and try to come up with a quick answer. I know he will never back down until I give him an answer… or most likely the answer that he wants. "Lennon"

He snorts and turns the page.

"What?" I ask eyeing him; I think this is going to take a while.

He finally looks up to me and his eyes meet up with mine. "Come on Jay, everybody knows McCartney is the best"

See… "Oh yeah? According to who?"

"Well…" He snorts again. "Like everybody! Lennon's work is depressing and pessimist"

"That's a matter of perspective, I call him realistic…" I shake my head, not wanting to get sucked in this discussion. "Anyway, that's not why I came here for. I wanted to talk about what happened the other night"

He nods, his eyes still fixed in mine.

WOW I don't know what to say… I thought about this over and over again, I had it all planned out and now that I'm here I don't know what to say, my mind is pretty much in blank.

I run my hand through my hair and take a deep breath. I Guess I'll have to improvise… and man, I suck at improvising. "Look" I say shifting in my chair. "That night I was drunk and I was feeling down… and we shouldn't have… done what we did. I care about you way too much to put our friendship in jeopardy and…"

God, that came out awfully bad. "I just want to know if we are cool?"

"Yeah… totally, I umm… I was going to say the same thing…"

"Really?" I ask in relief as he bits on his lips.

He smiles. "Sure… the last thing I want is us to feel weird around each other"

I release the breath I was holding. "I know, I was fearing the same thing"

So this came out pretty good after all. I'm starting to feel more confident now, because now that I know that Adam and I are cool I know that everything will follow smoothly. In time I will be able to look back at this and laugh at the absurdity of it all.

"So… now that this is all cleared up I guess I should go and put my stuff in the locker room" I say standing up. "Are we still going to travel together?"

"Yeah, sure" He says closing the magazine and taking in his hands a book that had been resting in the chair at his side.

"Then I'll see you around" I say but he zoned out staring at the book.

Whatever, I turn around to leave this room. My mission here is accomplished, so now that I can stop worrying about Adam I can put my mind in the show ahead. I think I'm wrestling Jake tonight, so I should go and find him.

"Jay"

I hear him calling my name and I turn to face him. He is still sitting in place and the book is still in his hands. "Here, I bought this a while ago and haven't been able to read it. I thought you might want to take a look at it…"

I walk back to where he is and take a look at the book. It's a hockey book, one that I had wanted to buy for a while now. Didn't I tell him so once? Nah, I probably told Chris.

"Cool, I hear it's pretty good" I reach to take the book but he suddenly pulls it away, opened the cover and just ripped the first page.

"What are you doing?" I ask in surprise. That was a brand new book and he just ripped a page.

She shrugs as if it was nothing. "It was already torn, and I hate torn pages. They always hang in your way when you are reading… anyway, make sure to return it. It's not a gift or anything…"

"Ok… but don't blame me if there are more torn pages" I reach to it again and this time he lets me take it. Then he opens the magazine and goes back to his reading.

Now that this is all settled, I start to make my way to the locker rooms. With one hand I drag my suitcase and with the other one I struggle to open the book.

It's kind of tricky, but I'm able to manage. As I knew it would be, most of the first page is ripped, but on what remains of it I can distinguish some handwriting, Adam's handwriting.

I frown and inspect at it closer. It's almost all gone, but there's still some of it there. It's mostly, the firsts letters of some sentences that will be forever be lost to me.

I keep studying those letters and come to three of them that quickly caught my attention. Now, call me paranoid, but there's a _Jas_ scribbled there that looks suspiciously like the beginning of Jason. Of course, it could also be a Jasmine or a … something else. Besides, to Adam I'm Jay, not Jason.

Maybe he lied about buying it and the truth is that a fan, yes a fan named Jasmine, gave it to him to sign… and he somehow forgot to return it to her…

"Hey"

As I hear that voice I freeze in my tracks and look up from the book to him. What was that that I was going to do when coming face to face with him? Oh yeah… I was going to smile and pretend everything was fine.

"Hey" I reply through clenched teeth. I wasn't supposed to have this encounter with him in the middle of a deserted hallway. In a perfect world it would have happened in the comforts of a crowded locker room.

No! In a perfect world I wouldn't have to suffer this encounter because in a perfect world he wouldn't have gone back to Jess…

There's a slight smile adorning his face as he looks at me with those piercing blue eyes. "You were all spaced out"

Why God? It's way too soon! And why does he have to look at me like that? "I was… just reading" What a dumbass I am, it was obvious that I was reading…

"Is it any good?" He asks and as he awaits my answer I can't stop staring at him. Fuck! I need to keep moving and regain all the auto control I gained while away from him.

But I don't move. I'm glued to the floor and running away from him would be the worst thing I could ever do, so I blink my stupidity away and look back to Adam's book. I shrug, feeling the weight of his gaze on me. "I don't know… I'm just starting it"

There's complete silence for a long while and when my eyes got tired of staring at the book Adam gave me, I venture to look up to him once more. His lips, those lips that kissed me with such passion once, are now quirked as he looks at me. "So how you've been doing?" He asks breaking the uncomfortable silence.

"Great" Yeah… fantastic, marvelous… "How about you?"

This time he is the one who shrugs, he doesn't answer and it doesn't seems like he is planning to; instead he just raises his hand up to my head and runs it along my hair. "You need a haircut"

My heart stops for a second and I think it showed in my face because he dropped the hand away and to his side.

I recover as soon as I'm able to and run my own hand through my hair. "Yeah… I've been busy" I'm going to put in my agenda to get a haircut as soon as possible. I could do it right now with the make-up and hair girl, but that would scream to him that I'm a loser that hangs on every word he says.

I don't want him to know how true that is.

He smiles what I believe it the saddest smile I had ever seen in that face. I don't like it. "Well, I'm going to catering. Guess I'll see you around"

I nod but neither of us moves.

I should say something, I want to say something… but I know I shouldn't. "Ok"

He takes that as a cue and moves away and toward catering. I watch him leave and when he is out of sight I sigh.

I should be proud of myself; I survived the first encounter with him without making a fool out of myself. But if it came out so well why do I feel my heart so heavy in my chest?

I put the book into my suitcase and begin my journey to the locker rooms. I still have half of the evening and all the night ahead of me… and I don't want to waste it feeling like this.

I wonder how I will survive the rest of the day.

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

Another one to you all! Hope you enjoy it as well! Oh and of course, thanks for reviewing last chapter!

~*~*~*~*~*~*

Tonight is a night for celebration, or at least it is for me because tonight it's finally the end of the week. There are no more house shows to fill, no more traveling to suffer and… well, just no more of anything.

Tonight it's the last night on the road, just one more night in this nameless town and then we can all return to our respective homes.

Sure, it will only be for three days, but three days of mental release is just what I need before embarking in yet another week of crazy routines and brief encounters.

Three days… three days that I definitely don't want to spend home alone worrying about tribal things such as laundry, bills and divorces… just to name a few things.

I can go places, I should go to places! I could plan a short getaway into a nice hotel near the beach and just laze out in the sun… yeah, I like that. I deserve it; it could be like a quick vacation amidst all the chaos that reins my life as of lately.

I might just do that.

I take a small sip of the drink that had been sitting untouched in front of me for the past five minutes, it's still strong enough to burn a path of fire down my throat and I feel my eyes water a bit. No more of that shit, I've never been much of a whiskey drinker and I only got it because it's what Adam ordered for both of us.

I subtly push the glass away so the bartender can take it away on his next chance. I don't really want to drink tonight, it has become a fact that every time I drink I fuck up, so no drinking for me tonight, I don't want to tempt destiny into screwing me even more.

I take a peek at Adam. He's sitting at the stool next to mine in yet another one of these shitty bars we always end up in.

He's always been able to handle alcohol better than me, so it doesn't surprise me to see him gulp what would be his third glass of everybody's favorite dude, Mr. Johnnie Walker.

Me, I don't like him so much.

The bartender passes by us and Adam orders yet two more of the same, when his is served and mine replaced he turns to face me. There's a sparkle in his green eyes that could pass either as amusement or just too much alcohol. I think it's the latest.

"You know what? I think we should make a toast" He raises his glass in the air and waits for me to do the same.

I shuffle a laugh, this is so corny… a thing that only the overly drunk and the plain ridiculous would to in the middle of a bar like this, but who am I to deny him when he gives me that pleading look?

I raise my own glass to his. "For surviving yet another week on the road without pissing the big boss" I could have quoted something about the hardships of life, but I'm trying to overcome feeling down.

"For love" He says clashing his glass to mine and then gulping down the liquid.

I snort, bring the glass to my lips only to wet my lips with the whiskey and then set the glass down once again. In a while I will push it to the edge of the counter so that the bartender would take it away.

"Love?" I ask raising an eyebrow to him. "Love is nothing but a losing game, a malfunction of the heart that weakens the brain"

Yeah… this is me trying to overcome feeling down.

This time he is the one that snorts. "Wow! That was really profound. Whom shall we blame for such a pessimistic conclusion? Blonde number one or blonde number two?"

I shrug. Both of them, none of them… who cares! At the end of the day is all the same. Maybe I'm the one to blame for letting myself being mislead.

"Want to know what I really think? The problem here is not love itself, but the person you end up falling for. You always chose the wrong person"

I frown at him, a smile on my lips. "And this comes from the man that has divorced twice… not to mention all those other failed relationships you had been into"

"Ouch" He says reaching for my glass to drink it. When he is finished with it, he shrugs and leans into me. "What can I say; I have to keep looking because all the good ones are already taken or just too damn blind to notice what they have around them"

"Tell me about it" I say with a chuckle, I totally agree with that. If he hadn't just taken my drink I would have made a toast out of that.

He sighs and draws back, for a while he remains in complete silence, his eyes fixed on the empty glass in his hands. But then he looks up to me again. "Maybe you should keep looking too, you never know if your chance is sitting right in front of you"

"Nah… I'm done with that. At least for the time being, right I only want to concentrate in my career and put all this behind me"

He chuckles and runs his fingers through his hair. "Jason, Jason…" He shakes his head and I look at him, expecting him to keep going with his doc love talking.

"What?" I ask when the only thing he does is stare at me.

"It's truly a shame that you had given up with so many possibilities out there…" He rises to his feet and starts searching through his pocket. He fishes out some money that he then puts over the counter and then a key card. "You see this, I got this from a smoking hot brunette at the arena, she said she was going be waiting for me. Who knows, she could be the next Ms Copeland"

I shake my head in disbelieve. "You are such a man whore" Is that what he wants me to do, to fuck around so that I can forget about Chris? "Is this how you attempt to find love Adam, I mean, really?"

"Love is not what I'm looking for here… let's say that I'm just looking for the best next thing" After saying that, he leans into me and kisses me, a brief and very unexpected kiss in the middle of a fucking bar filled with people we both know!

Too say that I'm too shocked to react will be the understatement of the century.

"So wish me luck" He says after pulling away.

I can't respond but I don't need to, because after saying that he turns around and walks away.

I turn to the bartender, my back to the rest of the world. The bartender, probably used to this kind of crazy stuff is oblivious to my burning cheeks. I'm so going to kill Adam next time I see him, if this is his idea of a practical joke then he's sick, it's not funny at all.

Anyway! I so fucking wish for a damn drink right know, but I'm not going to indulge in it… what I'm going to do is leave as quietly as I can and if anybody asks I will just dismiss it a Adam joking around…

I stand up and begin my journey to the door. Luckily, I'm able to make it without anyone stopping me. When I cross the door and exit the place I feel relieved and almost positive that nobody saw us.

I look around the deserted parking lot and notice that our rental car is still where we left it when he arrived, he probably took a cab. I begin to walk toward it, fumbling in my pockets for the key.

When I'm finally reaching for the car I hear a very familiar voice calling my name, I cringe in anticipation. If I quicken my steps I might be able to reach the car, get in and drive away.

"Jay" But he calls for me again and I have no choice but to turn to him. Did he saw Adam kiss me?

He's not far behind me, and it doesn't take long for him to reach me and when he does he just stands there for a minute, his eyes scanning mine.

"So are you with Adam now?"

That's him, cutting through the bullshit and going straight to the core of it. For a moment I feel the urge to explain to him how Adam's kiss came as a surprise and that it didn't meant anything and that the only person I want to kiss me is him. Of course, I don't say that.

As a matter of fact I don't say anything at all. I just turn around and start to walk towards the car. Let him believe whatever he wants to believe, is not as if it's anything of his concern.

The keys are already in my hand and I'm right beside the car, I'm just a step away from escaping this situation. But when I'm about to open the door he takes the keys away from me.

I turn around, feeling a rush of anger running through me. "Give me the damn keys" I say through clenched teeth, I don't really want to snap here.

"I asked you a question, just fucking answer it" He hiss, his face all worked out in anger.

I gasps in disbelieve. "What is it to you who am I with anyways?" I snort shaking my head because I just can't believe he is asking me this, he has no right.

"You know what I feel towards you, so don't expect…"

I laugh bitterly, cutting him off in mid sentence. "No I don't. I don't know what you feel about me Chris, I never did… how could I if you are always so aloof"

"You know I care about you…"

"And so you say, but the only thing that you do is fuck up with my head… I'm tired of it, Chris. I just… if you really care about me then give me the fucking keys and let me be"

He doesn't respond and limits himself on just staring at me. His face has softened and his eyes refuse to leave mine, I find all of this unbearable to a point where it's almost painful.

I drag my hand across my face, trying to calm the turmoil ragging deep inside of me. Why do I have to be such a sucker for him, why did I have to kiss him that first time? None of this would be happening if I hadn't kissed him first.

"Look… just let me go" My voice sounds the way I feel, down, defeated, broken. I can't pretend anymore and I need to get away from him as soon as I can.

But he doesn't let me go; instead he closes the distance between us and backs me against the door of the car, his body slightly touching mine. "I can't" His voice is just above a whisper, soft and melancholic. "I've tried to but I just can't, I've tried to get you out of my head and I just can't"

"Don't say that" I say shaking my head. Don't he knows that my world is tumbling down all around me, don't he knows what he's doing to me? I was doing fine, I really was! I was just getting back in track, putting my feet on the ground and now what? Back to where I started.

"Don't you want to know what I feel, of how I'm tired of running away from this, from you? I care about you Jay, more than you could ever imagine… and you don't know how it kills me inside each time I see you around without being able to touch you, to kiss you…"

His hand creeps up to my cheek, his thumb running over my lips.

I close my eyes, trying to gain composure… I think I'm still shaking my head, but all that is lost to me when his fingers move to the back of my head, pulling me closer to him until his forehead rest against mine. "Just stop it Chris"

I should be happy after hearing what he just said, wasn't it that just what my heart desired? But reality is that he haves a wife, a wife that he chose over me so none of this matter.

"I fucked up. I was feeling lost and confused and I took the easy way out… or what I thought was the easy way out, I just… I never expected to fall head over heels for my best friend"

I don't know what's worse, a Chris that walks by me in the hallways with a smile on his face and some useless remark about anything or the one pouring his heart out right now.

I go with the second; this is way too much painful. My heart is heavy and my eyes watering, I just don't know what to do, the fact that his lips are close enough for me to kiss doesn't help either.

This is not fair, but then again, who said that life was fair?

"This is just screwed up" I say breaking my silence as he brushes a willful tear that had just escaped me. I'm such a wuss, I would have given anything for him not to see that tear, let alone wipe it away. Thank Gog I manage to hold the rest of them back. "You have a wife and your duty is with her and your kids... me, I was just a distraction, an illusion"

He shakes his head and opens his mouth to speak up. I silence him by placing a finger against his lips, those lips that I miss so much.

"Just go back to her and be happy" I look down to him and for a moment I thought he was going to refute me, part of me wanted him o refute me.

But he didn't, he just handed me the keys so that I could leave, he was letting me go. I feel like crying.

I reach down to take the keys, and when I do he closes his hand over mine. His hand is warm, so familiar and yet so strange… "I never wanted us to end like this, I'm sorry"

"So am I…" I let my hand stay in his for a moment before pulling it back. I really need to go. So I turn to open the door and he backs away so that I can do it.

It's all so mechanical. I get in the car, close the door and start it. I buckle up and put the car in drive, he is still standing there. I try not to look, because if I do I will break and I will end up begging him to leave Jess so that we could be together… hell, I would even be capable of asking him to be with me even if he is with Jess!

So I just drive away, not looking back as silent tears blur my vision. I wipe at them angrily, I hate crying!

Fuck! And I was doing so well, now it's back to where I started.

TBC


	11. Chapter 11

Thank you so much for all the great reviews, I know I've said this before but I'll say it again, you guys rock!!!

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I had to use all the power of my will to keep my eyes fixed on the blurry road ahead of me. But when willingness wasn't enough and my hands started to tremble with the desire of turning the car around I had to resort into physical restraint.

I forced my hands on the steering wheel; I forced them to maintain the grip even after my muscles started to protest. I knew I had to keep going, I knew I couldn't go back… I just needed to go forward and away from him, away from those haunting blue eyes.

That was the longest fifteen minutes drive of my life. It left me exhausted, aching… who would have thought that a battle against mind and heart could be so gruesome to the physical being.

My mind knew that I had to do it, but my heart couldn't understand. The heart, naïve as it is only wanted me to turn around and speed back to him, it wanted me to pick him up so that we could drive together somewhere where no one and nothing would ever find us.

But what does a heart know about the hardships of life?

Nothing, it knows nothing. It only knows what it wants to know, and mine only knows that I should have gone back to him.

If it would only be that easy… if only.

Back at the parking lot, when he was close enough for me to touch and his lips close enough for me to kiss, my heart wanted to believe that I held in the palm of my hand the future between us, it wanted to believe that if I only reached to him he would be mine and I would be his and all would be fine, we would be together.

But my mind, in its infinite wisdom took me back to reality. The choice has never been mine, it was his and he already made it.

With that in mind I kept driving, I kept moving forward and after a while I made it back to the hotel.

So here I am, packing my stuff at 3 a.m. because there's nothing more I can do at this hour that would keep my mind occupied and away from any Chris' thought. I don't want to think about him and I definitely don't want to think in what ifs.

But that's easier said than done when the only thing I can think about is the image of him standing in the parking lot as I drove away.

I shake my head as if the image of Chris would disappear with the act. This is enough! It's not healthy! I'm not going back to where I was, I was doing well and I will continue to do well.

I'll consider this last encounter as a closure to something that will never be…

I look around the room, trying to spot for anything I might have left out. I always have the impression that I'm leaving something out, so I always have to double check.

I search around until I'm confident I have everything in my bags. I think all is under control… at least when it comes to packing stuff.

I let out a broken sigh, still looking around until I see Adams' bags. I should do what Adam does; not the sleeping around mind you, that would only make things worse for me, I'm talking about bags… you see, he never unpacks, that way he knows for sure that nothing is left behind.

Ah! I know what's missing, and is not something I left behind, but something I have to return. I open one of my bags and pick Adam's book out. I already finished it; I read it as far as I could since he made such an emphasis that I should return it.

I walk to where his bags are lying open at the side of his bed and put the book in. I don't know if he will be here before I leave so I'm just going to put it in. If I leave it anywhere else he is bound to leave it behind and then I would never hear the end of it.

Maybe I should write him a note thanking him for lending me the book… or better yet, I should write him a note damning him to hell because if he hadn't pulled his little prank Chris wouldn't have gone to me and I wouldn't be feeling like crap right now.

Nah… I'm trying to cut off the bitterness here.

I take a crumpled paper out of his own bag; I'll just write him a note saying that I returned the book in the same condition he gave it to me.

I straighten the paper while looking around for anything to write with… I can't find a fucking pen in the mess that is his bag and for a moment I play with the idea of just texting him. Of course, not now, I don't want to interrupt him in his _search_ for love.

At least one of us is having a pleasant time tonight.

So, I'm about to give up in my search when I notice that the paper had already being used; another reason why I should just text message him in the morning, I don't even have a paper now!

I throw the paper back into his bag and start my walk back to my own bed… then it hits me. That is no ordinary paper; the material is thicker, suspiciously like something out of a book… like ripped out of a book.

I go back to his bag and take both the crumpled paper and the book out. I open the book, just the cover because what I want to see is that first nonexistent page, the one that was _torn_.

Why would he keep it in his bag if it was just a torn page?

Curiosity is a very bad thing; I should not be doing this… but what the hell! I straighten the paper some more and lay it down. The cut edges match perfectly; this is the page that he ripped off before giving me the book.

And it is written by him… for me.

I read slowly what he wrote, taking in each word and considering them in my mind, first as a unit and then as a whole.

When I finish reading, I just stay still for a while, my mind racing a thousand miles per hour. There's a collage of images and words forming rapidly in my mind as my eyes take in the words.

This could mean nothing, just a thoughtful detail for a close friend; sure, he had never done anything of the like for me but still…

But then images of him kissing me, asking me to kiss him start rushing in my mind, his words of earlier tonight echoing in my head… that's when the words start to form a different meaning, a much profound meaning.

I read it again…

_Jason, the one I laugh with, live for, dream of, love…_

_Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Others stay awhile, make footprints on our hearts and we are never, ever the same._

_P.D. I hope you enjoy this as a token of my love!_

I remain still, confused, shocked… no, I'm catatonic! Does this mean…? No, it can't be! He's not into guys and he is definitely not into me… or is he? Could he?

Oh God!

I hear someone at the door and I hurry to crumple the paper back into a ball and then I throw it into the bag. The book I take with me back to my bed.

I take the remote control and turn on the T.V.

Why is he here so early anyway, didn't he have a hot date to attend?

Ah… of course, if he was meeting a girl in her room, there's no way he's into me, I just misunderstood his message…

"Hey" He says as he walks into the room and straight at his bed. "Packed already?"

I nod, not trusting my voice to speak. My eyes are glued to the screen, but I'm not sure what they are seeing, and when I notice that I was staring at some infomercials I begin to flip channels.

"I already packed" He says closing his bag, the paper that I had been prying on went unnoticed by him.

I venture to take a quick look at him, trying to see if there's any sign that could confirm or deny my ridiculous suspicions, there are none.

I clear my throat. "So, how was your date?" I said looking back at the screen. I hope I didn't went on as suspicious, I've never been one to ask about his escapades and that now I'm doing just that could make him wonder.

"I didn't make it there, I had a little… inconvenience at the bar"

"Oh…" He didn't make it? There's nothing that would stop Adam from meeting a nice looking woman behind closed doors! What's going on here? "What kind of inconvenience?" I ask looking back to him, curiosity getting the best of me once again.

He waves me off and begins taking off his shoes. "So, three days off the road, what are you going to do?"

I respond in autopilot, my mind is still grasping all this shit. "Just the usual, laundry, bills…"

"Well, I have a friend who haves a house in LA, a nice summer house right besides the beach, the thing is that he's on a business trip overseas and guess what?"

"What?" I'm still in autopilot…

He grins, his green eyes sparkling as they meet mine. "He totally will let me stay there! Isn't that awesome?"

I nod again. Wasn't I planning an escapade to the beach? Doesn't he have a house of his own to stay in?

"So what do you say, you and me in sunny LA, bathing in the sun… swimming in the Pacific Ocean…"

Oh no… "I… I don't know… I have a lot of laundry to do"

And that haves to be the lamest excuse ever! The truth is that I don't want to stay with him at his friend's place, not if there is a possibility that he's into me. I don't want to lead him into anything, being lead on sucks ass, I can tell by experience.

"I'm pretty sure he haves a washing machine there… Come on, it will be like old times, just you and me"

I run my hand through my hair. This is ridiculous, I mean, this is Adam, my best friend, my only remaining best friend… I know him since forever!

What if I go there and we let things go too far… I don't want to lose him like I lost Chris; I don't think I could bear that.

But Adam is not Chris, Adam is not married and Adam might love me… Can I love him back? I sure as hell can kiss him back, I mean; he does know how to kiss!

But I don't necessarily have to hook up with him just because he likes me… do I?

I scratch my head. "Sure, I mean… what harm can come from it?" And really what harm could come from a little trip to the beach…?

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I'm feeling a whole lot better now that I got a glimpse of the immense ocean extending to the horizon. I've always enjoy going the beach; the white sand, the blue ocean, the warm sun… the soft breeze. It all haves the power of relaxing me… like who could feel down in a place like this.

Adam is driving, he knows where to go; as for me, I just enjoy the view until he pulls over in front of what I assume is his friend's house.

"What friend is this anyway?" I ask once I'm out of the car. I thought I knew all of Adam's friends, I mean, his friends are basically my friends as well and I don't know anybody who haves a house here.

"Just some friend" He says walking to where I stand.

I stretch, watching him as he opens the door to take my things out. I'm still a little confused at what I found out last night… Adam is into me. The more I think about it the more sense it all makes.

Like when I tried to return the book to him at the airport, he shrugged it off and said that I could keep it if I wanted to… he still doesn't knows that I know about the note.

I don't know, maybe during the course of our days here I can talk to him about it and see where it goes from there… After all I can't live my life mopping for Chris.

"Nice isn't it?" He says handing me my bags. "Look, I need to buy a few things so why don't you go first and get comfortable, I won't be long"

"I can go with you if you want"

"No, it's ok… I'll be back soon. The door should be open so you'll have no problem getting in"

"Ok… but are you sure your friend is out of town, I don't want to walk in while he's at his living room. What if he calls the cops on me or something"

Adam just laughs and begins to walk back to the car, when he's about to get in he turns around to face me.

"Hey Jay" He takes off his sunglasses and looks at me, for a moment I thought he's about to say something like, _I know that you know_ or something of the likes, but he just stays there, looking at me.

"What is it?"

He shakes his head and then puts back his sunglasses. "Never mind" He then gets in the car and drives away.

I turn and begin to make my way into the house, whatever he was going to say I'm sure he'll say when he comes back.

I get into the house and leave my bags at the entrance. This is a nice house, but what I like the most about it is that it's right beside the ocean. Maybe I'll change and take a walk along the shore; I need to relax like right now! Not only about the Chris' thing, but about Adam and what could happen here with him. I don't want to rush into another disastrous relationship.

I probably should wait for Adam so we could go together… I don't know. It would feel kind of weird.

"Hey"

I hear the voice and my head automatically turns to meet the owner of it. My heart drops to my feet and I can feel my brain swirling in my head. He's there, standing in the middle of the living room while his clear blue eyes search for mine.

I open my mouth to speak but I close it again due loss of words. I look at the door, looking out to where the car Adam rented had just taken off.

I don't understand…

The car is not there, but I already knew that. I look back to him, still frozen in the spot. To say that I'm shocked would be the understatement of the century.

"What are you doing here?" I ask when my voice finally comes back to me

Chris smiles and approaches me, his eyes still delving into mine. "I'm here to make things right"

TBC

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So, the first part of this chapter was basically just for everyone who was curious about what Adam wrote in the book, I wasn't going to reveal that but what the hell! I thought why not?

Hope you liked it!


	12. Chapter 12

SO, At least I come with another chapter! Thank this one to dehlia666 and DarkZoul for urging me to write it, one patiently and the other one not so lol.

Thanks again for all the reviews, you are all too kind! I love them all and I enjoy reading what you think… and after last chapter's reviews I have to share this… I too feel bad for Adam =( I've been mean with him…

Hope you like this one!

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'_I'm here to make things right'_

Those words keep dancing in my head like an eternal melody that had barely begun. His voice echoes, his words prevail; I don't really know what to make of this.

_To make things right_…

Those few words can mean so much, they can mean everything… and yet, even when they spoke volumes I don't dare to hope. I refuse to let my spirit swell up in joy only because it was his voice the one that spoke the words.

Because let's face it, they are just words… and even when they can mean everything, they might as well mean nothing… I can't risk being disappointed over nothing, not again.

I take a deep breath and let it blow out forcefully through my mouth. Waiting sucks… and it sucks even more when one doesn't know what to expect.

I'm outside now, sitting over a fallen tree trunk while Chris fetches us something to drink. I still don't know what I'm doing here. I mean… the only thing I know is the fact that I was deceived by Adam and Chris. They both tricked me… and I don't even know why… on either part.

Chris wants to make things right, whatever that means to him, and Adam…

I sigh, running my fingers through my hair. I don't know why Adam brought me here… hell, I'm not quite sure why Adam does anything as of late… after seeing that note and analyzing his recent behavior his motives elude me for completely.

I thought he wanted something with me, but yet he plotted with Chris to bring me here. I simply don't get it… or maybe it is that he found me so pathetic that the only course of action he could take was leaving me here all alone with the man I so desperately want and don't want to be with.

Want and don't want to be with… Such contradiction… it's only half my truth… God, now I'm not even making sense to myself!

I grab a small rock that was encrusted into the sand and throw it in frustration as far as I can. I was supposed to come here to relax.

Right…

But looking at it through the bright side, maybe Adam leaving was for the best. It wouldn't have been fair to lead him in something I'm not ready to embark, because I do love Adam, but only as a brother.

I take another deep breath, inhaling some fresh air and expecting it to help me compose somehow. It did, if only a little bit. I really should try to relax… enjoy the view, breath in the fresh air… I mean, things can't certainly get worse than they already are.

Like for real, what else can Chris do to me here? Rip my heart right out of my chest and chew on it? He already did that…

I take a good look at the scenario that surrounds me, trying to focus on the external and not in my internal turmoil. There's a nice view here and my eyes get lost in the immense blue sea expanding into the infinite while a soft breeze soothes half my worries away.

"So…" I hear him say and I startle a little. I was so deep in thought that I didn't notice him standing there until his voice resonated in m ear.

I look up in time to find him towering over me, his eyes on mine while he offers a glass for me to take.

I take the glass and after taking a small sip I just cradle it in my hands. It's just ice tea but I don't think I could stomach even that.

"Thanks" I mumble anyway as he lowered himself to sit right at my side.

Does he really need to sit at my trunk? I mean, I know it's not my trunk… and it's probably his… but damn it, I was here first!

I look down to the sand, away from those taunting blue eyes and make an attempt to clear my throat. If I speak while looking into his eyes I don't think I'll be able to leave this place with my pride intact.

Anyway, I have some questions that demand answers; I already know why he is here, it's his damn house! A house I didn't even know he had… but that's not the point right now, the real question here is why I am here? I guess I'll just have to ask.

"Are you going to tell me now why am I here?" I ask in a flat tone that surprises even me. Good, the pupil is learning from the master.

If I manage to keep this conversation like this, emotionless I might be able to walk away with my head up high; and after I leave this place I'm going to find Adam and kill him! There will be no love left for me once I'm done with him.

How could he do this to me? And why would he?

So yes, I'm thoroughly examining my shoes, the sand and all the broken seashells scattered around my feet, but I can still see him, and I see when he turns to his side, his legs at either side of the trunk and moves closer to me, his hands reaching for my face.

His touch numbs me as he guides my chin to the side so that now I'm facing him, his eyes hypnotizing me into staying still even when his fingers drop away. "I told you. I want to make things right… for us"

The glass feels way too cold between my hands and I want to lay it down… but there's no place to lay it down other than the sand, so I keep my hold on it.

I shrug and hold onto his gaze. "We are cool…" The flatness in my voice is long gone and it comes to my mind that now I must sound like a complete dumbass! "I mean, there's nothing to make right because everything is all right…"

Oh no… tell me I just didn't ramble that!

His lips curl in a smile and I think I'm very close to hate this man… and if not the man at least the way he reduces me into nothing.

But it wasn't always like this, I wasn't like this. Before that fateful night at Adam's I was able to talk full sentences to this man, I could touch him and look at him without wanting to kiss him or craving for a more intimate touch. Before that night, I didn't even noticed that scent that I can now tell apart as solely his, the one that is now invading all my senses and making me dizzy by remembrance.

But before all this, before our idyll began and came to a tragic end too soon, he was just Chris, my best friend, not the man that broke my heart…

Oh my God! Did he really broke my heart or was it just an infatuation gone wrong?

Oh shit, shit, shit… I am broken hearted!

While I muse over what I feel and shouldn't feel, Chris manages to get even closer to me, his fingers finding their way back to my face and this time staying there. "They might be all right for you but for me they are not even close to the way I want them to be"

I feel my heart get stuck in my throat; I think I might even throw it up! He's too fucking close to me, like very, very close… what am I supposed to do?

I put the glass down on the sand because it would be awful if I dropped it or spill it all over me… or him, it also gave me some time to collect my thoughts.

"You want us back at being friends" That's not a question, I'm not asking, I know that's what he wants because if he wanted something more he wouldn't have gone back to Jess.

"That's only part of what I want…" His eyes are their usual pale blue, sparkling as they lock with mine. "But what I really want is you…" He leans into me and press his lips with mine. I can't do anything but stay still. This kiss lacks the passion of his previous ones; it's just lips pressed together for the briefest of moments. I like it, but maybe that's just me being biased. "…to be with me"

If he says that again while looking at me like he is doing right now I'll be forever his…

Fuck! Why do I have to be so easy?

"I know I screwed things with you, but if you let me…" He leans into me once more for another one of those butterfly kisses that makes my insides flood with a warm nice sensation. "… If you give me another chance, I'll spend forever trying to make it up to you" He concludes with another one of his sweet kisses.

I lick my lips as he pulls away. I don't really know what to say… my heart is beating rapidly, screaming frantically in joy with what he just said. But my mind is telling me another story, one of deceptions and broken hearts.

"What about Jess?"

"I'll divorce her"

"What about the kids?"

"They will always be my kids… no matter who my heart loves"

Damn him! I sigh, breaking the eye contact with him. "Don't do this Chris… I don't want to go through this all over again…" I sigh again, my frustration with all of this getting the best of me. "You can just kiss me and say those things to me just for the hell of it, it won't make things better, it will not erase the fact that you…"

I grunt and bit my lips to keep from talking my heart out. I don't want to expose what I feel to him because it will only make things harder.

He crouches down and positions himself between my legs, supporting his weight by placing his hands on my thighs.

"Then tell me what you want me to do for this to work… just tell me so I can do it" His tone is serious, his eyes piercing, I just look down on him as he continues to plead his case. "Look, I know I made a mistake and I'm sorry, I really am… it's just that it all became too much… I got confused, overwhelmed… I tried to run away from what I felt by shunning you out and I used Jess as my escape and… it's the stupidest thing I've ever done"

"What if it happens again" I ask as his eyes dig into mine. "What if I give you this chance and after a while you change your mind again…"

"It won't happen"

"Or what if someone sees us and you freak out and run away again…"

"I won't…"

"But what if you do Chris? I don't think I'll be able to handle it…" I gulp, trying to collect my thoughts… of course, it's all in vain because I'm not able to clear my mind off the fact that Chris want us to be together.

"So you were confused…" I laugh, but there is no humor in it. "And do you think it was easy for me? Because it wasn't… I probably had the same worries that you did… but did I turn my back on you? No I didn't… because no matter how alien it felt to be falling for you, at least I was content with the fact that I was making that journey with you" I snort. "… Or that was until you turned your back on me"

He pulls my face to his and I allow him to do it. "I'm sorry" He mumbles, his lips merely a few inches away from mine. "I'm sorry I ran away from you and I'm sorry I hurt you; and I know I don't deserve it, but at least give me the chance to try to make it better…"

I blink, lost in the warmth of his eyes. "I just don't want to end up all wounded up again"

"You won't… I'm not running away from this, I couldn't even if I wanted to" He says caressing the side of my face with his fingers. I don't fight his touch away or his lips when they seal with mine, I just shut my mind off and let my soul thrive in sensation.

I just allow his soft, warm lips to feed on mine, slowly and without haste; I allow him to coax my lips with his until they part so that his tongue could slide in, nudging and willing me into action.

He tastes like ice tea, sweet and refreshing. His lips on mine and his tongue dancing along mine is even better than what I remember; and as he kisses me and I kiss him back I try to remember why this that feels so good can't be.

I pull away, albeit somehow hesitant. I know we shouldn't, but his soft breathing against my face prevents me to come with an explanation as of why.

"So what do you say?" His voice is mellow and there is an easy smile playing on his lips while his fingers bury into my hair.

Am I the only one struggling here? Because here I sit, a sea of doubts and worries drowning my brain and he is smiling as if nothing was out of place, as if his fucking indecision was something the cheer upon? What a prick.

His eyes search for mine, and maybe he saw what I'm thinking reflect on them because he drops his hand away from me and sighs.

"Jay, just give us the chance to try this… I'll make it worth your while" He goes to kiss again my lips, then my checks, my temple, my neck… they are just playful kisses all over my face because the Chris that emerged from that kiss doesn't seem to take anything seriously.

"Chris…" I mumble as a complaint. I really want to push him away, but part of me is enjoying this a little bit… ok, I'm enjoying it more than a little bit.

He pulls the sightless bit away so that he could scan my face. His eyes are shining as he looks at me, his blue orbs lighting his whole face. "If you want I can kiss you until you change your mind… or I can sing to you"

"_I just can't get away from yesterday  
But I keep on living the wanderer's way…_

I frown at him, trying to suppress the smile that wants to form in my face. "God! You are such a dork, just stop"

"_And over and over I start anew  
But I can't escape the thoughts of you"_

I chuckle. "That's not going to work so you might as well stop it now"

He stops, but the smile is still on his lips. "So what do you say… are we going to try this?"

I look at him, at his face and deep into his eyes. I think it over and come with a decision, I don't know if it's the right decision or not, but here it goes…

TBC

Yikes! Please don't hate me after that! Anyway, what do you think, should Jay give Chris a chance or should he try things with Adam…?


	13. Chapter 13

So it came down to: Chris =6 Adam =3 None = 1

Once again, thanks for the reviews! I loved them all and I always like to see what you think of this, so thanks!

Warning: I wrote this while being in a corny mood, so if it comes out as corny… well, what can I do =D at the end it turns into a *ahem* more different tone…

Enjoy!

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Yes or no… they are just two simple monosyllables, how can it be that they carry so much in their meaning? I can say yes and hope that everything will turn for the better, or I can say no, walk away and try to get back my sanity.

No…

Regaining my sanity sounds very tempting. The last couple of months had been way too intense, the best example of too much too soon. First I had to deal with a messy divorce and then this whole thing with Chris came up only to leave me completely in the gutter.

I'm barely getting out of it.

Now he wants me back and I don't know if I'm ready for it. I mean, my heart wants it, but my mind is hesitant… my mind says that I should allow myself to heal old wounds before preparing into getting hurt again.

Or yes…

If taking hold of my mind seems tempting, then what is he if not that and more? He with his clear blue eyes delving in mine and he with his sweets promises of forever… who needs a mind when one can have him?

And I do want him…

I'm messed up, I know it; and I know that feeling like this is wrong, but that I didn't ask for this doesn't mean that I don't feel it, because I do feel it… it's like an ache that I can't get rid off if not with him by my side…

See, he has even turned me into a corny schmuck!

Yes or no.

I look back to him, the intensity of his eyes focused completely in me, waiting for me to give him an answer.

I take a deep breath, a breath that fills my lungs with the distinctive fresh aroma of the sea mixed with that of his own.

"You know…" I let the words linger in the air for a moment. I try to find a way to say what I need to say but I can't find the words needed; I want to say so many things and I just can't find a way to lay it all out. Somehow, I don't think a simple yes or no would do justice to the situation.

"If I had some sense left in me I would definitely walk out of here, leave all this behind me and start from point zero…"

He opens his mouth to say something and I make a gesture with my forefinger for him to let me finish.

"Did you know that Adam has feelings for me… like more than friendly feelings?" As I say that his face changes, it's the slightest change, merely a flinch, but I noticed; I'm studying all of him as he remains crouched in front of me.

"And even when he feels the way he feels, he brought me here with you because he thought it was what I wanted… what would make me happy"

"It isn't?" He asks without breaking eye contact with me. His eyes are overshadowed with something that resembles sorrow, maybe even pain, and I feel my heart give a cruel jerk inside my chest because I hate seeing his always lively eyes like this… "Do you have feelings for him too?" His voice is barely above a whisper.

"Would you let me finish?" I ask softly while raising an eyebrow; he just looks down to his shoes… or mine, I'm not really sure, the thing is that he guards silence for me to go on.

There… now I forgot what was the point of me telling him all this… so I guess I'll just go with what I have, whatever happen, happens.

"When Adam asked me to come here with him for the weekend, I played with the idea of giving myself an opportunity with him, to let things take their own curse and see what would happen from there. It was a bad idea and I'm glad it didn't happen… that would only mess this up more than it already is. The best thing I can do right now is stay away from both of you…"

And I'm not just saying this; I do believe that's what I should do. I got caught in the middle of a macabre prank made by destiny and I need to crawl out of it… the only problem is that while my mind is in accordance with that, the rest of my being wants desperately to indulge…

"I should stay away from him because it wouldn't be fair of me to lead him into something that I'm not prepare to get into, and stay away from you because I'm still stung with what you did"

His head is still casted down and he is in complete silence.

"I should just walk away… from both of you, I really should, but I don't think I'll be able to stay away from of either of you"

That is my truth and I just have to deal with it. No good will come out of me running away from this.

"Adam loves me and I do love him… he's my best friend and has been so since forever, and today he has given me the ultimate love proof… but what I feel for Adam doesn't come near enough of what I feel for you… it's a different kind of love and one can't compare to the other. I love Adam because I know he'll be my friend above everything else and I love you because I'm a fool that doesn't seem to learn from the past"

He lifts his head to meet my eyes again; his lips are a thin line sculpted on his somber face. "Jay, I know I screwed up big time and I know that I probably don't deserve another chance… but as long as I know that you feel for me half the way I feel for you I won't give up in trying to get you back…"

"Chris…"

"… you say you love me because you are a fool… well, I love you because you are one of the most amazing persons to have ever grace my life, I love you for what you are and for what I am when I'm with you… I just love you and that's the beginning of everything… and if I have to compete against Adam to try to win you back I'll do it, I'll do anything…"

"Chris" I say taking his face in my hands to stop him from speaking more nonsense. Sure, his words are like music to my ears, but I've already rambled enough for the two of us. But this is Chris, and of course he doesn't stop talking now that he's all railed up.

"…even if the odds are against me. I won't give you up just like that, not as long as I know that you feel something for me too. I don't…"

"For the love of God Chris, just shut up and let me finish"

"No, I…"

I dart forward and press my lips to his, kissing him long and thoroughly, my tongue delving into the sweetness of his mouth for a more dramatic effect. Now, this is a pleasant way to shut up this man that I wouldn't mind doing on regular basis, God knows that he talks too much.

I reach up and run my fingers through his hair, pulling him closer to me, deeper into the kiss. Who would have thought a month or so ago that he and I would end up like this, kissing in the middle of a beach… the line of friendship long crossed and embarking now into the unknown.

I draw away from him, still cradling his head into my hands because I want to look him in the eye as I say what I'm going to say.

"Yes" Simple and direct, at the end of the day it all resumes to that simple word. Yes I want him and yes I'll take whatever he has to offer… I have to do it because I'm just a sucker for him and taking a chance with him is better than living wondering what would have happened.

"Yes?" He whispers and the beginning of a smile starts to crack on his face.

"Yes…" I say again. "Yes I want to be with you and yes I…"

My words are lost against his lips as he re-captures mine in a kiss. He kisses me long and deeply, telling a thousand promises with his lips, promises of a better future regardless of what had happened in the past. I want to believe in them… in him.

It's me again the one who pulls back, a bit breathless and already missing his soft lips against mine. "Chris, we are in the middle of a public beach… someone might see us"

"I don't care…" he smiles giving me a peck on the lips. "Let the whole world know that you said yes… He said yes!" He yells looking around for anyone to hear him out, there's no one, at least not that I can see, but I cover his mouth with my palm anyways.

"Don't make me…"

He doesn't let me finish the sentence, he just moves my hand away from his lips and goes for another kiss, pushing against me and forcing me off the trunk and down to the sand.

I gasp in surprise as I feel my body fall backwards and I hurry to reach for him to try and steady myself. It doesn't work and the only thing I accomplish is take him down with me.

All the while, during this little stunt his lips keep working on mine, his tongue feasting on me, a treat for all the time we had being denied of each other. So we kiss, even when I'm getting all covered in sand and even when we both landed in a pretty awkward position.

"Chris…" I try to voice a protest when he pulls back from me to get us both into a more comfortable position, but after he manages, his lips are back on mine and whatever I was going to say get lost into his mouth.

The fact that people might be watching is still in my mind, but what can I do, I'm helpless when he kiss me like this, when his body is pressing so closely into mine like it is now.

I slid my hands to his back and underneath his shirt, wanting to get a real good touch of his skin… if we weren't in this fucking beach I would totally take his damn shirt off… well, the shirt and other things too… he already has me all hot and bothered with just this kiss.

His lips descend from my lips to my throat; provoking in me a momentarily sentiment of abandon… that was until he began to nip and kiss at the sensitive flesh there.

I throw my head backwards, even more into the sand to give him more access to keep up with his ministrations. I love what he can do with that mouth; put that combined with the way his arousal is pocking against my hip and my blood is already boiling with desire.

I already spent too much time without this, away from him and I want to indulge myself to him, I want to get lost in his touch, in the promise of those lips.

I push my hips against his, craving for a more intimate contact were clothes are not required… we really should get out of here and somewhere more private.

"Chris" I didn't intended that to come as weak as it came, but that's just what he does to me, regardless of that, I continue. "We should… better get inside"

He looks up to me, his eyes filled with a passion that probably matches my own… I can easily get lost in his eyes. His hands come up to my cheek and a finger slides down to rest in my chin.

"I do love you, Jay… it's not just about this…"

I nod, unable to say anything as he stares deeply into my eyes. I know what he means; the feeling is more than reciprocate… but right now the ache between my legs feels more urgent that anything else.

"But I also want you…" His lips curl in a sly smile and his free hand sneak down between our bodies to stroke my not so subtle erection. I gasp, delighted. "… and judging by this, I can tell you want me too"

Hello! Of course I want him, more than anything…

His hand leaves me too soon, and before I can protest he goes to stand, offering me a hand to help me up too.

I get up, my knees feeling a bit wobbly, another effect he has on me. I begin to brush the sand off my back and hair and he walks to me to help me, taking the opportunity to brush his hand over the bulge in my pants.

I snort. "Thanks, but I didn't have anything there" I said raising an eyebrow, a tingle of amusement in my voice.

"Well, I definitely felt something… come on, let's get inside"

Together we walk back to his house, it's not really a long walk, but to me it seems eternal, especially now that my pants are unusually tight.

When we finally get to the house he guides me directly into a room. It could be his, but before I can take a good look around he pulls me to him, his arms circling my waist and his full lips pressing against mine.

I part my lips for him, inviting him to slide in so that my tongue can meet his once again and engage into a new dance.

This is pure bliss, his lips on mine, our tongues clashing, his hands roaming through my back, reaching down to pull my shirt off. This is our time, just the two of us ready to rediscover each other without having to worry about anyone or anything.

The kiss continue to grow even more heated, only breaking for the briefest of moment so that shirts could be discarded, then our lips meet again with a passion renew.

God I missed this, I missed touching him, feeling him… So without thinking it twice, I slid my hand to the edge of his pant, working my way inside to wrap my fingers around his hot, swollen manhood. He whimpers into my mouth as I start to stroke him.

With my other hand, I manage to unbuckle his pants, slide them down his legs along with his boxers and kick them aside… his shoes are gone too. So now he stand complete naked before me as my hand continue to work on his cock.

He feels like fire in my hand, swollen and throbbing… the little sounds that escape him sending bolts of pleasure down my spine and straight into my groin.

I love this, and we are still in the preliminaries… and I love it even more when the rest of my clothes are tossed aside and he goes to push me down on the bed.

He joins me soon after, resting on top of me… the sensation of skin against skin all too consuming, his cock pressing against mine simply tormenting.

This is what I wanted and more, it's what I needed.

I moan when the sweetness of his lips leave mine to trace a warm path down my throat and to my chest. He keeps getting lower and lower, the muscles of my stomach contracting as his lips slide south.

"Oh… God…" I gasp when his tongue teases the head of my cock. He licks at it for a moment before sliding his tongue down my length and then going all the way up again, culminating by taking me into the warmth of his mouth.

His tongue works me in slow caressing circles while his lips slide down my shaft, then he sucks me into oblivion. I bit on my lips, trying to keep my moans down while he keeps driving me mad with desire.

My hands find their way to his hair, just resting there and feeling the motion of his head going up and down, up and down again… it's just maddening and I can't make my hips stay still against the mattress.

At this point I can't tone down my moans; my desire is building, reaching its peak… and still, his mouth, his glorious mouth keeps tormenting me.

"Chris… I'm…" I try to warn him but it's too late. My words get stuck in my throat and with a groan I explode, releasing into the warm heat of his mouth.

I feel him pull his mouth away and call my name in a protest, but his hand is still one me, stroking me as I shoot the last of my fluids in his hand… it's all beyond me.

When the orgasm finally washed all over me and I'm able to use some my senses again I open my eyes and look at him.

"I'm sorry" I gasp, my body still shaken up… then I laugh. "No, I'm not… that was fucking amazing"

"Well, next time you could at least warn me"

Yeah… next time…

I close my eyes for a moment, waiting for my breathing to go back to normal. That was indeed amazing… his mouth just heavenly… and it would have been even better if Chris hadn't pulled off…

My eyes open abruptly when I feel Chris spread my legs so that I'm now open and exposed to him. I close my eyes again; his finger, slick with what I can only guess to be lube, rubbing against my entrance, probing and then slowly wriggling their way in to prepare myself.

This is slightly embarrassing… it's ridiculous; I mean if I expected him to put his cock in me why I should feel embarrassed by him putting a finger in me. But regardless of that notion, somehow I am… it takes me a minute or two to get used to the sensation of it, then, I relaxed and even enjoy it.

I groan and open my eyes once again; all sense of embarrassment forgotten as he slides yet another finger in my thigh passage, fingering me until my cock slowly starts to stir back to life.

I look down to find him staring intently at what he was doing, his tongue licking at his lips as he looked. But when he realizes I'm looking at him, he meets my gaze with his and then slides out of me.

"Are you ok?" His voice is raspy and low. I nod, reassuring him to go on and he quickly positions himself on top of me, spreading my legs as far as they would go while the head of his cock brushes against my entrance, slightly pushing in. "Jay… I want to look at you when I fuck you"

I breathe in, trying to relax even when his blunt words unnerve me a little. It's stupid, I know… we have already done this, and in the floor of a fucking hotel bathroom! If it was enjoyable then why wouldn't it be now that we are in more comfortable accommodations?

He leans forward to kiss me, easing my worries a bit, but then he draws back to look me in the eye while he starts to slide inside of me, slowly and gently until all his length is impaled inside of me, stuffing me completely.

He allows me some time to adjust and, and as he stays still I can feel his cock pulsing inside of me… it feels fucking huge.

When I'm comfortable enough he begins to move slowly, sliding in and out of me, pushing his entire length in, and then drawing back… all the while his eyes scanning mine and soft moans escaping his lips.

"Jason… you're so fucking tight, feels damn good"

Somehow I find they way his eyes delve into mine even more intimate than the way he is sliding in and out of me. It's almost too much and I have to force myself to maintain my eyes fixed on his.

I groan, unable to contain myself. "Oh… Chris" I'm hard again, my cock aching to get treated… my desire growing with each trust; I even start to push against him, encouraging him to give me more.

"God… so fucking good" He pants before he goes to kiss me lavishly, rocking into me, slowly at first and then pumping harder, deeper.

My cock is trapped between our bodies, the friction of his stomach rubbing against it as he moves within me almost taking me to the edge… again.

"Don't stop… don't you fucking stop now" His cock fills me complete me, sending delicious stabs of pleasure each time he thrust into me, my own cock, cradled between our bodies throbbing, demanding more… I'm so close I can even taste my release nearing.

This is maddening and I feel yet another climax approaching… it doesn't take long… just a few more thrusts and before my mind can grasp it, I stiffen and my moans become ragged and desperate, my warm essence shooting out between the two of us as delightful spasm take over me.

I tear my lips from his, gasping and moaning. The orgasm hit me so hard that I feel dizzy… my vision is blurred and my heart is beating frantically in my chest.

He kisses my neck, still slamming inside of me as I begin to come down from the cloud he had just sent me into… I'm exhausted, my limbs numb… that felt fucking fantastic.

Chris moans, a sound torn out from somewhere deep inside his gut, it's endearing, I love it. His eyes are closed and he is biting hard on his lips, I watch the expression on his face, entranced at the sight of him in the brims of passion, he's just marvelous. A flush has taken over his features and when he opens his darkened eyes to me I found myself in a loss of words.

If I didn't know it then, I know it now… there's no way I can stay away from him…

With his eyes locked in mine, he gives me a few more hard thrusts before letting himself go, shooting his seed into me while moans of pleasure escape his lips.

I hold him as he rides his orgasm down, enjoying the way his body jerks against mine, watching as his tremors subside.

When he's done, he collapses against me, and still I hold him, burying my nose in his hair and inhaling his unique scent. He stayed in me for a while, panting, then he rolled to his side and out of me.

"That was…"

"Yes it was…" I say before he could even finish the sentence.

"I know" He breathed out.

He turns to me and run his fingers along my stomach, caressing me lazily. I just stay there, my eyes closed while I enjoy his touch. "We should get cleaned up…"

I nod; unable to lift my head off the mattress… he has drained all the energy from me.

He nips at my neck. "… and get some food"

I nod again, not really in the mood for anything but getting some rest.

"Jay…" He says against my skin, his soft breathing tickling me.

"Hmmm?" I mumble and for a while he doesn't say anything. I open my eyes to see if he is still here, and silly me, of course he is.

"I love you" he whispers against my ear. I smile, closing my eyes again.

"I love you too jerky"

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So! I'm still deciding if I should or shouldn't write another chapter… we shall see. There's still something hanging in here that I'd like to take care of… can't promise anything… did you hear me DarkZoul… lol

Anyway, hope you liked it!


	14. Chapter 14

Huge thanks to **TJ Sparkles**, **kiwisoda**, **Esha Napoleon**, **AnonymousPunk**, **DarkZoul**, **Lexihardy**, **rory21**, **BellaHickenbottom** and **dehlia666** for reviewing last chapter. You guys ROCK!! So this is it, I sure had fun writing this story, hope you liked reading it as well!

Once again, thanks and enjoy!

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I have a bad feeling about this…

It has been consuming my guts ever since we left the house, and as the moment of truth approaches, the feeling continues to grow even bigger and bigger… It has become by now this humongous thing that I can barely hold inside of me.

It's really stupid… I'm stupid!

But that is what I get for being the pessimist mofo that I am. I really need to change my ways… I bet life would be a whole lot easier without so many worries.

Take right now for instant. I just had a great weekend with Chris, and when I say great I think I'm falling short with the description, it was just extraordinary… just the two of us, a beautiful beach just a few paces away and a lot of time to enjoy one another.

I couldn't have asked for anything better.

So what's there to worry about then? Well, to be sincere nothing, there's nothing to worry about what already happened; it's what could happen from now on what is worrying me.

You see, Chris and I are in the airport… and no, I'm not worried about the flight, I've been in too many of them to fear the big steal bird, what I'm really worried about is the fact that while I'm taking a flight home, he'll be taking one to his other home…

Yes, that other home where his wife lives.

That's, what is worrying me.

He said he needs to clear thing with her… and I totally understand it, hell, I want him to clear things with her… but there's a big part of me that remembers what happened the last time we parted ways so that he could pick up the kids… yeah, he went back with her!

"What's with you?"

I look at him to see that he has put the book he had been reading down on the table and is now turned to his side so that he could face me.

"What do you mean?" I ask with a frown. I don't want him to know what I'm thinking because I don't want him to feel like I'm doubting him… thing that I'm so totally doing!

I don't want to doubt him, because over the last couple of days he has given me no reason at all for me to doubt him… this is just me being me.

"Jay… you have been staring off to space for the last twenty minutes" He says with a light chuckle.

I shake my head, trying to expel out of my system the thoughts that had been clouding my mind. "I was just thinking about Adam…" What a fucking liar! So now I'm not only an insecure, pessimist loser, but I'm also a big fat liar that drags his best friend into a conversation just to save his own ass!

He shifts in his seat and I wait for him to reply. He's still looking at me, but he's not saying anything… now I feel the urge to take back what I said.

"I mean… I feel bad about this whole thing with him…" Not a lie, I'm improving here. "It was a surprise for me to know that he has feelings for me… and all that"

Fuck… why doesn't he go back to reading his book.

He sighs. "I take a huge risk of coming as a total jackass with this, but what the hell… listen, the fact that one person has strong feelings towards another, doesn't put this other person in the obligation to reciprocate"

I turn to my side so that we are now face to face. "It doesn't?"

"Of course it doesn't. I mean, when it comes to the matters of the heart you have to be completely egoistical, it may sound harsh and cruel but that's the way it is"

I nod absently, taking in what he just said. He's kind of right… I have to be egoistic because at the end of the day is my happiness what's on the line…

"There's that and the fact that if you were to be with him instead of me you would alter the balance of the universe, bad things would start happening all over the world and life as we know it would cease to exist"

"Oh really?" I chuckle despite myself.

He nods, the shadow of a smile on his lips.

"But I'm only with you because you begged"

He laughs… this is one of life simple pleasures, making him laugh. "And you tell me this after you ate all my food, used my bed… and stole my clothes" He finishes by taking the edge of my shirt between his fingers. "And let's not forget how you shamelessly used my body"

Now is my turn to laugh. I did use that body of his, but let's just say that he equally used mine. Damn… as a matter of fact I want to use it right now… just the memory of him, tight and hot around me makes my blood boil in a very pleasant way… that's an experience that I'll love to repeat over, and over… I shake my head, trying to get back to reality.

"Call it being an opportunist… and by the way, this shirt is mine"

"I don't think so Junior, it was in my house"

"Doesn't matter, still mine" And it is, it's the one he put on in a confusion in Adam's place.

The smile is still on his face, making his eyes shine in amusement. I would kiss him right now, but we are in the middle of the airport's food court and I don't want to take the risk of someone taking a pic of us and post it all over the internet.

His fingers let go of their hold on my shirt and fall to my thigh for a brief moment before retreating to his lap. "Anyway, going back to the Adam conversation, I didn't know he was into guys… I know certain someone who's going to take an interest in that"

I frown, I'm intrigued. "Who?"

He smiles. "Just some charismatic enigma that we both know… Oh, I'm going to text him that he might have a chance…"

I laugh as he starts sending the message through his phone. "Jeff? Jeff likes Adam? How do you know this?"

He shrugs, still working on his phone. "He told me"

"Oh…" I try to come with an image of those two and shake my head. This is a strange reality we are all living, first Chris and I, and now the possibility of Adam and Jeff…

"Done. We'll just have to wait and see how Jeff works his charm on Adam" He says with a smile.

I shake my head; I can't believe I let him do that…

I look at my watch, its 7:20a.m., almost time for his flight, my apprehension renews itself. What if he goes there and realizes he wants to be with her instead? He said it himself, when it comes to the matters of the heart one needs to be egoistical… he won't hesitate in giving me the boot!

He mimics me and takes a look at his watch. "I better get going if I don't want the plane to leave without me… it wouldn't be the first time"

I nod, watching him stand up and taking his hand bag with him. "So, see you tonight?" I ask as casual as I manage to sound.

We have a show tonight, so it's a given that we are going to see each other tonight… I just asked for lack of something better to say.

"Of course…" He leans forward, just enough to be able to whisper in my ear. "I'm fighting the urge to kiss you right now, so I'll leave before my better judgment fails"

I smile, wishing that we where somewhere more private so he would be able to give me that kiss… but we are not and by now he is turning his back on me as he begins to walk away.

"By the way…" He says taking a last look at me. "We'll solve the matter of that shirt tonight" He says with a smirk and then keeps walking to his destination.

I just watch him, hoping all this turns out in my favor… because by now I wouldn't be able to know how to quit him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I'm at the arena, already in my wrestling gear and sitting among the empty rows of chairs as I watch some of the guys practice in the ring some of their moves for tonight.

The doors will open for the public in a few minutes, so until then, I'll stay here, going over some stuff in my mind.

Chris is not here yet, as a matter of fact he's a little late… can't help but wonder what's wrong. I know I can call him, but somehow that doesn't feel appropriate.

"Jay!"

I look at the owner of the voice and see that it's Adam. He's walking towards me with a grin on his face, and as he approaches I try to come up with something to say.

He beats me to it. "So, how was your weekend?"

I watch him as he sits by my side. He is smiling at me and it comes to my mind that he's better at this than me… when I was moping over Chris I wouldn't have been able to be so casual with him, in fact, all our encounters were painful and bitter.

"Well, I don't know if I should punch you or kiss you… I mean, dude, you tricked me!"

He taps his cheek with his forefinger. "I'll take the kiss"

I kick myself internally, those were the wrong choice of words… but he seems playful about it, so I playfully press my closed fist on the same spot he signaled me to kiss.

He doesn't know that I know I read that note, so I'll just try to act around him the same way I did before… only with a little bit more caution.

"It went great, thanks man…"

He waves me off. "It was nothing…"

"I'm sure it was… I mean, he was not in your favorites list last time I checked"

"He still isn't, but I didn't do it for him… oh but I warned him, sure I did! I think I even scared him" He laughs. "But seriously, one had to be blind not to see how much you are into him… and after talking to him I came to realize that he's just as much into you… so you know… I helped him just a little bit"

"Thanks man" I smile, hoping his efforts were not in vain and that Chris doesn't disappoint me this time.

"So I guess I'm out of a travel partner…"

"Hey guys!"

I look up to see Jeff lean in one of the chairs in front of me. He is actually kneeling on it, his hands resting on the edge of it as he looks at us.

"Hey Jeff" I say as Adam nods a greeting.

I smile; I don't think Jeff will manage to charm Adam so easily… I mean, ever since the whole deal with him, Amy and Matt those two are barely on speaking terms… this should be fun to watch… hell, I'll even contribute to the cause.

"We were just talking about Adam not having a travel partner… that sucks"

The younger man looks at Adam and shrugs. "He can travel with me, after all, Chris just ditched me to travel with _you" _He emphasizes the last word by looking at me, but then his eyes go back to Adam. "That's if he doesn't mind"

It's funny, the look on Adam's face is priceless, he didn't expect that… serves him right for tricking me. I can suggest that we all travel together and share different rooms, but as of now I rather see where this thing with them goes.

"I guess… that's fine"

"Great" The younger Hardy smiles and I have to smile with him. "Oh, and Jay… Chris is looking for you"

"He's here already?"

He nods, his eyes shining as he looks at Adam. "He's in the locker rooms bitching about forgetting to bring his title"

I smile… that he is looking for me can only be a good sign… or a bad one, now I'm not sure. I stand up. "Guess I better check what this thing with the title is" Yeah right, what I really want to know is what happened with Jess. "See you guys later"

I leave the two green eyed men behind and make my way towards the locker rooms. I walk as in a trance, it's like the walk of doom, I want and don't want to know what happened… and I don't really want to doubt him.

I get there and find him rummaging into his bag and mumbling under his breath. He really looks pissed, and I hesitate before approaching.

"Hey" I say taking the chance of sitting at his side. At the sound of my voice he stops talking to himself and looks up at me.

The severe look on his face softens the sightless bit, but it's still there…

"I left the fucking title! I don't even know where I put it" He snaps and goes to kick at his bag… I can see that he's really in a foul mood.

I bring my hand up to the back of his neck and give him a little massage there, hoping it will relieve some of his tension. It works, because he relaxes a bit under my touch and lets out a tired sigh.

I'm just glad he didn't brush me away, because Chris in a foul mood is not a pretty sight to see.

"We'll figure something…" I say to reassure him. It's not really a big of a deal, so he left the title, he can use another one… it will be just for tonight, no one will notice.

"Things with Jess went pretty bad, it was awful" He says closing his eyes as my fingers keep working on his neck. His tone is softer now, almost distant. "She freaked out, she cried… you know, the whole nine yards"

I wish I had something to tell him, but I don't. I just hope he doesn't end this conversation by saying he went back to her out of guilt… that would suck… for me at least.

"I told her everything"

My hand drops from his neck and fall limply at my side. "Everything like in… everything?"

"Everything" He breathes out.

I nod, feeling rather bad for her. I mean… that's sure some news to take… wait! Does this means he didn't go back to her? God I know I sound as an asshole… oh I'm such a bad person, but I hope this means that he and her are done for good… and least, romantically involved.

He opens his eyes and looks at me; I try not to appear to be ecstatic. "If we are going to get steady its better that she learns it from me and not from some tabloid site on the internet… that's if it ever leaks out"

I sigh. I don't know if it will ever leak out, I prefer it doesn't, because this whole thing is pretty much new for me and I want to figure everything out before having to deal with everyone questioning us… especially my mother!

Or his… I know his mother…

But who cares about that right now, Chris is staying with me! We are going steady… does that mean like we are a couple?

I bit back a grin and try to understand his mood; after all, the man had just told his wife that he's going out with another man! I hope she doesn't hate me because I actually like her… and it's not really my fault, they were going to divorce way before we began with this thing.

"You know, a wise man told me once, that when it comes to the matters of the heart, one has to be completely egoistical…"

He chuckles. "What a jackass"

"Well, he is a jackass, but he's the sexiest of them all" I lean into him and kiss him right where the corner of his lips borders his cheek. We are alone here, so I don't have to worry about anyone seeing us… even though, I refrain from kissing him properly because I don't want to come out as insensitive here. "In fact he's a self proclaimed sexy beast"

He smiles a full smile, and I'm glad I had somehow lightened his mood. "So what do you say if we find a way to take care of the title thing?"

I get up to my feet and extend my hand for him to take. He takes it and stands with me, giving me a brief squeeze as we begin to head towards the door.

I was really stupid for doubting him… I won't ever again do that. From now on I will not indulge in more self pity and I won't worry myself for anything! The future looks bright, the possibilities are endless and I think it will all turn out for the better.

I mean, how could it not?

~*FIN*~

Yay! Adam and Jeff! Delhia666, you may not know it, but you gave me the idea (via twitter) of these two. I might write them in another story…


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